Blogger Has Writers Block

Steven Shaw of the Yahoo Music Blog Musicians' Fiend is in the midst of the worst writer's block of his life. His satirical blog has gone over a week without a new post and his scant readership is fading fast.

"I worry that they're gonna can me unless I put something out," Shaw told RS-Online in a phone interview on Monday.

"I've been trolling the usual magazines and websites -Rolling Stone, NME, Blender - searching for something interesting to write about. I thought about maybe mocking Lil' Wayne's recent jail sentence, but he's so last month. He over-saturated himself! I think people are glad to see him in jail just so people won't have to listen to him guest star in another shitty song. Then I figured, hell, I'll just make up some list, like The Best Songs to Listen to While Stuck in Traffic on a Monday. But I couldn't think of anything other than 'Walkin' on Sunshine' and 'Manic Monday'. I considered calling up some washed-up celebrity and asking them about their favorite songs of all time - I'm pretty sure David Hasselhoff isn't doing much on a Sunday Night other than watching Baywatch reruns and listening to Kraftwerk. Any of those would have made killer blog entries, but the Saints were on TV and, well, I ended up putting it off another day. And then it turned into another day. And another. So here I sit at my computer with a blank page and a blinking cursor. Maybe I'll just make up a story about Lady Gaga having herpes."

THE ROLLING SCONE INTERVIEW: BILLIE JOE ARMSTRONG

Today on the Scone: The Exclusive Rolling Scone Interview With Billie Joe Armstrong of Green Day.

RS: Hello, Billie.
Billie: Hello, Rolling Scone.
RS: How are you?
Billie: I'm well, and you, Mr. Scone?
RS: I am well, thank you.
...

Billie: So...
RS: Well Billy, I'd like to ask you some questions.
Billie: OK, fire away.
RS: Question one: How do you respond when people tell you you've sold out?
Billie: Well, Mr. Scone, I have to confess, it's terrible. Every time a mohawked boy with a nose ring comes in and tells me that my bands music was better on Kerplunk!, well, I die a little bit inside.
RS: So, you hate the fame and fortune, don't you?
Billie: I really do. I miss the rejection. The driving 200 miles in our old van down to an old bar just to get stiffed by the manager and chased out with a baseball bat. I hate the adoring fans. I miss our shows with 12 drunks throwing beer bottles at us because we didn't play Skynyrd covers. What I especially hate is all the money and the groupies. I bought myself a 250 GT Spyder California for about a million dollars last month. It is so choice. I had sex with two supermodels in the backseat within three hours of buying the car. And for what? I just hated myself even more than when I found out that that American Idiot sold over 14 million albums worldwide.
RS: So you hate your new album as much as everyone else does?
Billie: Yes! I hate the new album. I hate making the music that I want to make. I hate myself... I cry myself to sleep nightly when I think about how I used falsetto and piano on the last two albums. Piano?! I mean, come on! Pianos are for Air Supply and Elton John, not the band that made song about jerking off cool for the radio.
RS: So how are you going to kill yourself in order to atone for every album you've made since you went to a major label?
Billy: Well, Mr. Scone, I plan on committing Hari-kiri with the guitar I used on the recording of Dookie.
RS: Anything to say to your former fans?
Billie: I am so, so, so sorry.

Pompous Jerk Online Blog Editor Tires of Pretentious Indie Friends, Probably Won't Hang Out With Them Anymore

Joseph Steigerwald, Senior Blogger at the still unknown Rolling Scone - Online and drinker of his own intellectual Kool-Aid, has grown tired of his indie and lo-fi loving "friends." Mr. Steigerwald came to this realization during a recent party at his swanky new Mt. Washington house with a jacuzzi and a killer view that overlooks the city. During the party, two of his more opinionated "friends" were arguing about who was better, U2's the Edge or Jack White of the White Stripes. The two droned on and on about pointless minutiae, everything from who was a better guitar player to whether or not using too many guitar delay pedals made the Edge less of a musician. As Mr. Steigerwald's eyes drooped, he realized that he should probably find some friends who like Fall Out Boy and My Chemical Romance instead of Arcade Fire and Ryan Adams, as they would probably be more into doing keg stands and hitting on chicks. "Everyone knows that Ryan Adams is completely overrated," Mr. Steigerwald told Rolling Scone during a recent interview from his 3rd story penthouse, "I just wish that these 'friends' of mine were into good music, like the things I listen to. I have the best and most varied taste in music out of anyone. I think it's official, I'm going to start hanging out with really slutty girls and guys who drink Jagerbombs and wear Affliction t-shirts. Those are my people now."

CDC Puzzled By High Concentrations of Herpes Outbreaks March 12 - April 9

The Center for Disease Control has recently undertaken an investigation into an alarming explosion of the diagnosis of genital herpes in multiple U.S. Cities starting March 12, 2009 and ending on the week of April 9th, 2009. The outbreaks, which started in San Diego, followed an unidentifiable pattern that has left many scientists baffled. The following is chart shows the first date of the increased diagnoses, the city, and the percentage above the normal amount of cases.

March 12 – San Diego, CA - +200% in Herpes Diagnoses
March 13 – Los Angeles - +212%
March 14 – San Francisco - +1142%
March 16 – Seattle, WA - +546%
March 17 – Portland, OR - +234%
March 18 – Vancouver, BC - +194%
March 21 – Denver, CO - +251%
March 23 – Minneapolis, MN - +200%
March 24 – Chicago, IL - +295%
March 25 – Pontiac, MI - +234%
March 26 – Toronto, ON - +634%
March 27 – Ottawa, ON - +333%
March 28 – Montreal, QC - +225%
March 30 – Boston, MA - +231%
March 31 – New York, NY - +251%
April 1 – Philadelphia, PA - +836%
April 2 – Washington, DC - +5342
April 3 – Richmond, VA - +236%
April 6 – Orlando, FL - +1135%
April 7 – Tampa, FL - +234%
April 8 – Ft. Lauderdale, FL - +234%
April 9 – Atlanta, GA - +234%

Following the week of April 9th, the CDC reported no incidences of increased herpes cases in any city. So far there have been no hypothesis on what caused the outbreak. CDC press correspondent Alfred Stein spoke with RS online yesterday. "So far these herpes outbreaks were contained within these selected cities and we believe that the increased number of incidences will not continue within the previously infected cities or any new cities. As of now it is suffice to say these were isolated incidents and the public need not fear any more outbreaks." Asked if the CDC has any leads, Stein assured RSonline that "[The CDC] has looked at all available data and has been analyzing any possible leads for months now. However, we have come up empty on any correlations. Therefore we here at the CDC have determined that this was just a fluke occurrence, and absolutely nothing else."

LADY GAGA 2009 + 2010 TOUR SCHEDULE

LADY GAGA TOUR SCHEDULE

2009 -
March 12 – San Diego, CA – House of Blues
March 13 – Los Angeles, CA – Avalon
March 14 – San Francisco, CA – Mezzanine
March 16 – Seattle, WA – The Showbox / The Market
March 17 – Portland, OR – Wonder Ballroom
March 18 – Vancouver, BC – The Commodore Ballroom
March 21 – Denver, CO – Gothic Theatre
March 23 – Minneapolis, MN – Fine Line Music Café
March 24 – Chicago, IL – House of Blues
March 25 – Pontiac, MI – Crofoot Ballroom
March 26 – Toronto, ON – Elements
March 27 – Ottawa, ON – Bronson Center
March 28 – Montreal, QC – Metropolis
March 30 – Boston, MA – House of Blues
March 31 – New York, NY – Webster Hall
April 1 – Philadelphia, PA – Theatre of the Living Arts
April 2 – Washington, DC – 9:30 Club
April 3 – Richmond, VA – Toad’s Place
April 6 – Orlando, FL – House of Blues
April 7 – Tampa, FL – The Ritz
April 8 – Ft. Lauderdale, FL – Revolution
April 9 – Atlanta, GA – Centerstage
2010 -
Oct 27 - New York City
Dec 30 - Washington DC
Mar 13 - Auckland, New Zealand
Mar 15 - Christchurch, New Zealand
Mar 17 - Sydney, Australia
Mar 18 - Sydney, Australia
Mar 22 - Bruce, Australia
Mar 23 - Melbourne, Australia
Mar 24 - Melbourne, Australia
Mar 26 - Boondall, Australia
Mar 28 - Boondall, Australia
Mar 30 - Hindmarsh, Australia
Apr 2 - Perth, Australia

My Chemical Romance Vocalist Vows to One-Up Pete Wentz and Shave Other Things On Stage

Blink-182 bassist Mark Hoppus and Fall Out Boy frontman had a special moment during their concert on Saturday night in New York City's Madison Square Garden. Wentz beckoned Hoppus to centerstage during the Fall Out Boy set and proceeded to shave Wentz's trademark hairstyle, a long, straight shage with sideswept, choppy bangs into a no-nonsense buzzcut.

Wentz's haircut signals the end of an emo era, but not everyone is going to let the emo swoosh die quietly. In particular, My Chemical Romance's Gerard Way, longtime style rival and frenemy of Wentz, plans to make a mockery of Wentz's style evolution.

Way wrote on his band's blog:

...petey wentz declares that the emo swoosh is dead and the press goes wild? hahahahahahaha. next time we play the garden, i'm gonna whip out my junk and have matt bellamy [lead singer of Muse] give me a full manscaping...

Matthew Bellamy could not be reached for comment.