Miley Cyrus' Bong Hit Fourth Sign of the Nudepocalypse

Sign 1. Innapropriate Text/Sext messages somehow leaked onto the internet
Sign 2. Plummeting album sales
Sign 3. Celebrating an 18th birthday
Sign 4. Drug arrest/Documented drug use
Sign 5. Unplanned pregnancy
Sign 6. Tearful appearance on Oprah
Sign 7. Rumors of a sex tape/sex tape settlement with jealous ex-lover

Not nude. For now.

These are the seven warning signs of the Nudepocalypse. The seven signs that foretell a forthcoming nude pictorial or sex tape of a formerly chaste and innocent female celebrity. Hundreds of female celebrities and socialites have experienced these signs, to the delight of the fat fingered heavy breathing perverts Googling naked celebrities with the "safe search" turned off.

The latest celebrity to experience these signs is Miley Cyrus. Fresh off leaked picture messages of Miley in inappropriate poses and a disappointingly low selling album comes the fourth sign: Documented drug use. The latest scandal to engulf Miley is a video of her smoking Salvia out of a bong. While Salvia is technically legal, it is known for its hallucinogenic properties and is drawing the ire of parents groups and police.

Miley Cyrus, aka Hannah Montana has already begun to distance herself from her formerly kiddie "Disney" persona with various slutty performances and risque internet photos. Following the latest video of Miley smoking out of a bong, Billy Ray Cyrus, her awful, awful father has come out saying he's "sorry" and "sad" for his daughter's behavior. However he is unable to maintain any control over his daughter because she is the only reason he has a job or money, or a sex-life. However, those who follow the signs of the Nudepocalypse know that this sign, along with the third sign of a celebrated 18th birthday leaves Miley only 3 signs away from sweet, glorious (and now legal) nudity.

Experts say that Miley has the best chance yet of fulfilling the seven signs and take her clothes off to make money and/or revive her undoubtedly flagging career. While many experts also expected Britney Spears to pose for Playboy and "accidentally" release a sex tape, she was able to mount a somewhat successful comeback and delay the inevitable for another 5 years. At which point her body will be wrinkled, stretched to the point of Danielle Staub.

Pittsburgh's KISS 96.1 Morning Show DJ's Joke Still Funny After 800 Times

"Ra-ra, ra-ra-ra, roma, ro-ma-ma, ga-ga, ohh la-la, I want your bad romance."

These are the lyrics to Lady Gaga's hit song, Bad Romance. When Lady Gaga sings them, they sound good, but when Kiss FM DJ Big Bob sings them in unison? Well that's just hilarious. In fact, it's so funny, that Big Bob has proceeded to sing the last 2 lines of the song in a humorous voice every time the song has been on between 6 and 10AM for the past 127 days. Because the song is on between 2 and 3 times an hour, Big Bob has made the same colorful attempt at humor over 800 times, an amazing number just in itself. But what is even more amazing is that the joke still holds the same appeal, the same hilarity as it did the first time Big Bob attempted it.

"I still sing along with the song because it's still funny when I do it. In fact, it's so funny I dont just sing at the end of Lady Gaga, I do it at the end of Miley Cyrus and the end of Ke$ha too," Big Bob told Rolling Scone in an exclusive interview. "It's akin to watching the 'Ouch Charlie' You Tube video over and over and over again, its funny the first time, but then it gets even funnier upon repeated viewings. Or like the Van Wilder movies, yes the first one was great, but are you really going to tell me that the original Van Wilder is better than Van Wilder: Freshman Year or Van Wilder: the Rise of Taj? Of course not! It's because they take the same jokes that they made in the original and just insert them in the new movies without any regard to plot or timing and then MAGIC, it's somehow even funnier the 5th, the 6th and even yes the 800th time."

Big Bob stated that he will not stop doing it until the joke loses its magic. "Maybe after its 30,000th time, you know that's what's so crazy about comedy. You can't really tell what will be funny and for how long, seriously,  I'm still laughing at that Star Wars Kid from You Tube. and I don't know anyone who doesn't think that's still hilarious. But I have lightning in a bottle here, I can't just give it up while the joke is still fresh. As soon as it's no longer hilarious, I'll stop."

Disney Announces New Miley Cyrus Brand Pole

Miley Cyrus is growing up fast... and Disney has no problem taking advantage.

Although it appeared that Disney, the parent owner of the succesful Hannah Montana series, was irked by August's pole dancing performance by Miley during the Teen Choice Awards, it now appears Disney is taking the oppurtunity to capitalize on the mini scandal.

Disney announced today that they will begin selling a "Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana Brand Dancing Pole." Although not specifically marketed as a strippers pole, Disney made sure to let tween consumers know that the pole can be used in the same manner as Miley Cyrus used her pole back in August.

"The new Miley Cyrus Brand Dancing Pole is the next product in the Miley Cyrus consumer goods empire. Now kids of all ages can pole dance just like their hero Miley did on the Teen Choice Awards."

The pole will be marketed towards girls aged 10 to 16. Disney is already purchasing heavy commercial air time and will begin a blitz marketing campaign on its most popular shows like Hannah Montana, That's so Raven, Wizards of Waverly Place, Sonny With a Chance and Jonas.

The product will be sold at retailers such as Toys R' Us, Wal-Mart, K-Mart and Sears and cost about 75 dollars.

RIAA Bans People Who Became Famous Through Visual Media From Releasing Music

The Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) announced today that actors and actresses who achieved fame through roles in television and film would no longer be allowed to release or distribute music through any of its member companies. Member companies of the RIAA distribute more than 85% of all music traded in the United States. The move comes after a noticeable increase in attempts to cross over into the world of music, including Drake, Leighton Meester, Heidi Montag, Lindsay Lohan, Hilary Duff, and Scarlett Johansson.

According to RIAA spokesperson Lindsay Carmichael, "Now that we've stopped sending out copyright infringement notices, the major problem on our organizational credibility is the so-called music being created by these already famous people. This will help clear our member rosters for people who use auto-tune as an option rather than out of necessity."

When asked if this ban would cover musicians and singers who had attempted to move into acting, Carmichael added, "According to our market research, the real problem is actors trying to make it as singers. Singers and musicians who have effectively made the transition to acting, like Beyonce Knowles, Britney Spears, and Mariah Carey, will remain on our member labels. Whether they remain in TV or movies is for SAG [Screen Actors Guild] to worry about."

During the press conference, a reporter from Rolling Scone sister organization Radio Free Suburbia asked Carmichael what this meant for Justin Timberlake, who became famous through the Disney's The Mickey Mouse Club, but later as a singer with 'N Sync and as a solo artist. Carmichael stated that the text of the bylaw included an exception for people who became famous through visual media before their 18th birthday. Unfortunately that means that the rest of us are going to be subjected to even more Miley Cyrus in the future.

BREAKING NEWS from the GRAMMYS

This Just In! Breaking News from the Grammy's™. In another startling upset, Metallica has been shut out once again, losing the "Best Rock Album" award to Jethro Tull. This Regarded as the front runners, the 0 time winning band, who recently decided to come back to the Grammy Awards after boycotting the event after their ...And Justice for All, lost out on the Best Hard Rock Album of the Year award to Jethro Tull. This recent announcement has caused some consternation as Jethro Tull wasn't actually nominated for any awards.

Also announced as winners at this year event:

U2 won 12 awards, including album of the year for All That You Can't Leave Behind, the 9th year in a row that this album has won the award.

Miley Cyrus won for Jailbait of the year award, supplanting last year's winner JoJo.

Jizz in my Pants won for Best Song, a first for the boys from Lonely Island.

Best Rap album was cancelled due to the fact that none of the nominators have ever listened to a rap album.