Panicked Viewers Flood MTV With Reports of Unidentified Music Video Sighting

Panicked MTV (Music Television) viewers have begun flooding the network with reports of an actual music video sighting. Just minutes before the premiere of the new MTV (Music Television) show Jersey Shore, excited guidos everywhere were shocked to discover a snippet of Lady Gaga's Bad Romance video.

Older non-targeted demographics may remember a time when music videos were in regular rotation on all of the MTV (Music Television) networks. However nearly all female viewers in the 18-24 year range have never experienced an MTV (Music Television) music video.

Calls began pouring in to MTV (Music Television) headquarters in New York shortly before 10pm EST. Viewers reported seeing Lady Gaga dancing in a choreographed routine while singing Bad Romance. Many callers did not understand that these "music videos" are previously recorded and were outraged at not being notified that Lady Gaga was performing that night.

MTV (Music Television) immediately responded with a statement saying that the music video was a programming mistake and that it was shut off after only 25 seconds of airtime. MTV (Music Television) told Rolling Scone-ONLINE that the actual clip was supposed to be a promo for MTV's (Music Television) new prime time show, "Stereotyp'd," which will undoubtably set back race relations in America. The new show features different races acting exactly like their stereotypical selves, except on camera for all America to see.

Music Television appologized for the music video making it onto their airwaves and said that they would double their efforts to make sure that no music video ever aired again on Music Television.

The Eyes of Seacrest, Pt 1.

I don't remember what day it is.

I've been listening to Kiss 96.1 for the past three weeks. No breaks, no silence, only the sounds of the Kiss Freak Show in the morning, Tall Cathy from 10 to 1... I can't remember who comes on after that. Some incompetent jackass. It's all the same... all the same. 

Who am I?


The inane babbling. If i hear one more mention of the word freak show I'm going to take my own life and the lives of thousands of other innocent people. The incompetent disc jockeying, if Bubba interrupts the ending of another song with his shitty singing I'm going to rip my eyes out of my head. The incredibly stupid celebrity gossip. Who cares... WHO CARES!!! NO ONE CARES TALL CATHY, NO ONE CARES ABOUT WHAT VH1 SLUT TIGER WOODS WAS BANGING.


I'm okay...


I've heard Bad Romance three hundred and twenty six times... today. Brittney Spears singing about threesomes and orgies has lost all of its meaning. I can't tell if this song is Rhianna, Beyonce or Keisha. I don' think it matters. 


...


I can't stop thinking about which celebrities I'd like to interview. I bet Matthew Fox has a lot of interesting things to say. I'd really like to get inside the mind of Sharon Osbourne...


I wonder what Adam Lambert is up to since his racy AMA performance? Probably something extremely interesting and relevant to our nation.


Kiss 96.1 has been playing for one whole month straight.


...


What am I becoming? I'm... changing...


My hair has begun to change colors. My tips have become frosted. My hair has begun to stand up in a spiky yet tousled style that exudes both smug self satisfaction and rebel without a comb.


...


Kiss 96.1 is still on, I can't even hear it anymore, my mind has been overwhelmed by the Tiger Woods scandal, Jersey Shore, celebrity sex tapes, who John Mayer is sleeping with. It's all too much. 


I've been overwhelemed by a feeling... For the past two weeks it has slowly engulfed me...I can't fight it anymore... I want to produce sleazy celebreality shows for E! No, I have to produce sleazy celebreality shows for E! Where can I find a celebrity so pathetic and irrelevent that they will gladly give up their entire lives for my flim crew... I don't know if any Hollywood celebrity would ever sink so low, but I have to try...


I have another great idea for a show... I have to get together with Paris Hilton, she's the only one smart and talented enough to help me realize my dreams...

I have to host a show on E! I have to have a syndicated radio show thats broadcast across America.


My old self is dead. I am no longer the man I used to be.



...

I know who I am... I know what I have become... It all makes sense now.

  
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I AM RYAN SEACREST!




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SEACREST OUT!