Failed Terrorist Wants To Release EP

Umar Farouk Abdul Mutallab, the 23-year-old Nigerian who attempted to detonate an explosive on Christmas Day on a flight from Amsterdam to Detroit, plans to use his newfound fame to release a solo EP, sources say. Mutallab, who has been charged with attempting to blow up a U.S. passenger plane, is being held at the Federal Correctional Institution in Milan, Michigan.

"Mutallab has spent his time in his cell singing songs in Arabic. Although I didn't recognize all of them, one of the guards told me it was the tune of Lady Gaga's 'Bad Romance,' and I think I recall another to the tune was Beyonce's 'Single Ladies.' He even had some of the dance moves!" says a source from within the facility. The source reports that after these random outbursts of music, Mutallab shouts in English about how he writes musical parodies of American pop songs, re-writing them in Arabic to praise Al-Qaeda, the Taliban, and other political organizations he is associated with, and that this is going to reach moderate, Arabic-speaking youths who are entranced by Western culture and values.

"He's hoping that the media circus surrounding his trial will somehow allow him to record a few of his songs to spread Islamic extremism by using the culture it seeks to destroy," another source has speculated.

Although Al-Qaeda has claimed responsibility for his terrorist actions, they do not support his musical pursuits. According to a spokesman for Al-Qaeda, in a video released to Al-Jazeera, "Mutallab's bravery and sense of duty are to be commended, but this guy wants to be a singer? The only reason this guy is a celebrity is because he set his underwear on fire. Even Snooki's injuries were more severe than that."