A Brief History of the RollingScone, part deux.

A Brief History of the Scone, part 1.


The not as early, but still pretty early in the big picture days:

From 1723-1776 the Scone of London, as it was renamed following the murder of Lord Abernathy II, was no longer issued in any print format and simply lay fallow as merely an intellectual property. When Lord Abernathy was shanked by James Cromwell in the Dining Hall of London's Earls Court Debtors Prison, his last words were "Give the Scone to my Son Greg...," Which of course was amended to "Give the Scone to my sun, who warms all of England, the great and gregarious King George II." The Scone, whose value was appraised at 1/100,000th of a pence was then in 1745 given to the King's favorite whore, Lady Marmalade, as a tip after a particularly fulfilling night of sex and beatings. Lady Marmalade, then moved to France, taking the handkerchief the Scone's title was scribbled on to Paris.

In 1776, the Lady Marmalade of the Lebelle Whore House of Paris was visited by a particularly drunk Benjamin Franklin, who was in France at the time lobbying for French help against the British in the American Revolution. Franklin, had been a regular at the Lebelle Whore House since his first visit in 1767, paid for his usual 3 prostitutes, a bottle of courvoisier and 4 french maid outfits. However, upon payment, Lady Marmalade discovered she was out of change, and offered Franklin the title for the Scone Le Rolling in lieu of the 12 cents she owed. Franklin, who was already drunk off his ass, and a noted newspaper enthusiast agreed.

Franklin, awoke naked, save for a lone hankie, in the middle of a back alley in the French Whore district. Remembering nothing of the night before, he used the handkerchief to cover himself and set off back to America, bearing both French support for the American Independence movement, and much more historically important, the title for Scone Le Rolling.

Upon arriving in America, Franklin immediately put on hold his duties to the fledgling American Nation and instead began work on what he would later call his greatest accomplishment, resurrecting the RollingScone. Settling in Philadephia, Franklin assembled a crack team of local hot shot writers including music editor Albert Scott, reviewer Clem Washington, whorehouse correspondent Brian Braun and Jozef Staggerwood, who wrote the infamous "stupid things the British think are good but really are stupid" section. By Franklin's death in 1790 the Scone was already the 3rd most popular local music interest bi-weekly pamphlet, trailing only the Kazoo Times and Popular Slave Songs. From 1790-1800, the Scone grew into the most popular music gazette in Pennsylvania. In a completely unrelated matter, mysterious fires destroyed the offices of Kazoo Times, Popular Slave Songs, Lynchin' Music Monthly, Star Spangler, The Whipping Post, Free World Daily, EuroSymphonyXpress, Daily Mail, Pennsylvania Gazette, Times of London and Rolling Muffin.

In 1801, the entire staff of the Rolling Scone was convicted of 10 counts of arson and 34 counts of murder and hung in the most popular public execution in Pennsylvania history. Thus plunging the greatest musically based magazine in the history of the Western Hemisphere into a cliffhanger worthy of ...



Next Time on the Scone. Part III: Revenge of the Scone!

RollingScone, a brief history pt.1

Today on The Scone: Part one of a four part series that chronicles the unabridged, unedited, and completely untruthful history of the worlds greatest internet music blog.

The Early Days:
Founded by London noble Lord Abernathy in 1683 as a monthly periodical, the early Scone featured musings on a variety of topics like the apointment of Henry Purcell as keeper of the king's instruments at Chapel Royal and reviews of the latest popular operas (John Blow's Venus and Adonis is given the Scone's first 2-star review.) In its inaugural year the Scone had 3 columnists, 1 music critic, and one satirist.

The first controversy at the Scone was over satirist James Purcell's critique of King Charles II falling asleep at an opera. The piece was entitled "King Charles: a lazy boob, or just mentally challenged?" Purcell was sentenced to death by hanging in the month of December after a 12 minute trial found him guilty of treason. However the controversy increased the circulation tenfold and by 1686 the Scone was the most popular monthly in Britain. Unfortunately as rock music had not been invented yet, 99% of the reviews were 1-star, and most were puncuated by complaints of "not enough guitar solos." The lack of interest in the music scene led to a five year hiatus by the scone from 1687-1692 due to Lord Abernathy's addiction to opiates.

When the scone returned in 1693 it remained for the next hundred years as a yearly 50 page book, which dropped any hint of satire and humor and instead simply reviewed every major classical and operatic piece of each year. Pieces from Bach and Vivaldi were savaged with 1 and 2 star reviews and in the hundred years only Beethoven and Mozart managed to impress the editors and writers at the scone enough to get a 3 star review. Lord Abernathy II who had taken over for his father in 1712, after Lord Abernathy I had contracted gangrene from a paper cut he had recieved from the 10 year anniversary issue, had been losing 30,000 pounds per year as circulation had dropped to less than 6 people. Lord Abernathy II eventually closed the Scone, as he was arrested and placed in a debtors prison in 1723. There he was shanked by a fellow prisoner over a crust of bread. After this the scone languished in obscurity, until a chance encounter in Philadelphia in 1776.

A Brief Look Inside the Mind of J. Steigerwald: RollingScone Creator

Today's feature is a list of the last 66 songs played on Mr. Steigerwald's Ipod.

1. Girlfriend - Matthew Sweet
2. Shotgun Down the Avalanche - Shawn Colvin
3. What A Catch, Donnie - Fall Out Boy
4. Can We Still Be Friends - Todd Rundgren
5. Little Wing - Stevie Ray Vaughn
6. Casual Affair - Tonic
7. Hush - Deep Purple
8. Fire Island - Fountains of Wayne
9. Lit Up - Buckcherry
10. Dancing Through Sunday - AFI
11. Oh What a Night - Four Seasons
12. West Coast Smoker - Fall Out Boy
13. 20 Dollar Nose Bleed - Fall Out Boy
14. w.a.m.s - Fall Out Boy
15. Tiffany Blews - Fall Out Boy
16. 27 - Fall Out Boy
17. (Coffee's for Closers) - Fall Out Boy
18. The Shipped Gold Standard - Fall Out Boy
19. Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown - Fall Out Boy
20. America's Suitehearts - Fall Out Boy
21. She's My Winona - Fall Out Boy
22. I Don't Care - Fall Out Boy
23. Disloyal Order of Buffaloes - Fall Out Boy
24. Running On Empty - Jackson Browne
25. Monsters - Matchbook Romance
26. The Velorium Camper I: Faint of Heart - Coheed and Cambria
27. Bizzare Love Triangle - Stabbing Westward
28. Move Along - All American Rejects
29. Back in the USSR - Beatles
30. Raspberry Beret - Prince
31. Cancer - My Chemical Romance
32. Palace of Excess - Ash
33. Afterlife - Avenged Sevenfold
34. Rock You Hard - The Dan Band
35. Day Job - Gin Blossoms
36. Shake It - Metro Station
37. Together Forever - Rick Astley
38. Wanted Dead or Alive - Bon Jovi
39. Starcrossed - Ash
40. Crush - Jennifer Page
41. Lady Madonna - Beatles
42. Killer Queen - Sum 41
43. I Touch Myself - Divinyls
44. Pressure - Billy Joel
45. Stacy's Mom - Fountains of Wayne
46. American Girl - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
47. Chemistry - Semisonic
48. Better - Guns N Roses
49. The Big Medley - Dream Theater
50. The Door - Silverchair
51. I'm Not Okay (I Promise) - My Chemical Romance
52. Eternal Life - Jeff Buckley
53. Every Little Thing She Does is Magic - Police
54. My Favorite Things - Silverchair
55. Love Rears It's Ugly Head - Living Colour
56. Big Bang Baby - Stone Temple Pilots
57. Got Me Wrong - Alice in Chains
58. Winning Days - The Vines
59. You're My Best Friend - Queen
60. Shout it Out Loud - Kiss
61. Irish Blood, English Heart - Morrissey
62. Fields of Gold - Sting
63. Alien Angel - Three
64. Take it Off - The Donnas
65. Where to Now St. Peter - Elton John
66. On Fire -Van Halen

RollingScone Interview: Kanye West

The RollingScone Interview: Kanye West
presented by the RNC and the New Orleans Tourism Board.

RollingScone: Hello and welcome back to the RS.com real interview. Today’s guest is multi-platinum recording artist Kanye West.

Kanye West: ShiiiTTttt SonnnNN, YouUuu CannNNN PriiNNttT whhatttEEVER you WaNNTT, I’MM KanNYee WeSSTtTTt, I DoNN’TT CarrEEE WhaTtT U SssAaayy, I MakkeEE MuussiiCCc ForRrR the MasSSSess, foRRr tHHee PeeeOppLLe. Goooooddd LiiiIIiiIIifffEE!

RollingScone: Uhm alright let’s talk about your latest album, 808’s and Heartbreak, now you really went a different direction with this album, gone are most of your boasts about being the greatest MC alive and instead you seem to get in touch with your emo side, explain how this all came about.

Kanye West: I’mmMmm a TrrUeEE ArTiSTt, I DoN’Ttt NeEeEeDdd YoUuu ComMmenntTinnggG onN WhatTt KinNNdd of SoNG I’mmMMm mmmAking-

RollingScone: Ok, can I stop you for just a second, what the hell is up with your voice. Is that the-

Kanye West: ThaaAAAttss the AuuutttOOO-TuuuuNNNeeeE, fooorrRRR the nEwW AAllbuM Iii WanTTTeddD to GggGGgOooOooOOOoooOOOoooOOOooooOOOOOoooooOoOOoooOooOooOoOoOoOOooooooooooooooooooooo0000000000000oooooooooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooOOooooOOOOOOOOOOoOoooooooOOOOoooooOOoooOOOoooooOOOoOOoooOooOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooO O O OoooooooOOoo Inn a neWW dirrEcCtiOOnnn and ShOwOwoWoOW offFF my innncrEdible VoCCaLLL talleNNNTSSS. JessUUssSS Wallllkksss!

RollingScone: It’s incredibly distracting. I think you’re probably supposed to turn it off when-

Kanye West: biittTchh Iii’Mm Kanye WeSSttTTTT, I’m the GrrreAtttEsttTT RappErrr aliiiIIvvvEEee. attTTT the Enddd offff the DaYyyayyayyayayyyYY I Don’tTTt GiiivEee A F---KKKk if YouuU ThIiinKkk I’MmMM ArrOOoGAanNNtttT, YouUUu CanNNN PuTTTT aLllLL Thiss OnNN Hereeeee, You KOOnNNWw WhyyYYY? I MakKEee MussIIccc for THEeee PeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEople. FlaaaaSShiiNnggg LiiiigGGhhTTSS!

RollingScone: Ok why don’t you just get the hell-

Akon: Convict(Convict…convict…convict…) Akooonnnnnn. Convict (Convict… convict… convict) and Kaaannyyeee Westttt.

RollingScone: What in God’s name is this?

Kanye West: Ittt’sss thEEe MoothherrrrF----n reeeemixxxxXX, Chicaaagooooo raaaAIIIsee Upp!!! ThrroOuughHH the WiiiiIIreEEE.

Akon: Reeemixxxx, Convict (convict… convict… convict). Akonnnnnnn.

Kanye West: (clap) (clap) (clap) (clap) Yeah thatttTTsss Righttt, worrrLddSSS grEatesT MC. I canNN turn Shittt to GoldDdd. GeeOOrrGgeee BuuSShhh HAtteeessSS BlAaCkk peOpleee and BlaAcKKK PeppErRR and BlaAAckkboaARRddSS.

RollingScone: Thanks for nothing! Join us again for another thrilling edition of the Rollingscone Interview, brought to you by Fibersol, stay regular with Fibersol.
Next time we have - fresh from the grave - Barry White!