Obama Reaches Across Aisle, Finally Earns Bipartisan Support

Barack Obama's off-the-record candor has finally earned him the bipartisan support that he has sought since becoming the 44th President of the United States. Although he has failed to drum up support across the aisle for his universal health care and economic policies, and his poll numbers have fallen to personal lows, his recent off-the-record comments about Kanye West have finally brought critics over to his side. During downtime in a recent interview, he was caught on camera saying, "He's a jackass," while discussing Kanye's recent interruption of Taylor Swift at the MTV Video Music Awards. This elicited laughter from the crew filming the interview, although Obama immediately seemed to tense up in the afterwards of the remark. In recent days, he has come to embrace his candid dig at Kanye.

This week, Obama has made the rounds on the late night shows, appearing only to say his new catch phrase, "He's a jackass!" Even his critics have grudgingly offered praise. Conservative stalwarts like Glen Beck said, "Finally, the first real, un-scripted thing that Obama has said. Something we, in both parties, can get behind." Right-wing radio mainstay Rush Limbaugh opined, "Obama is finally backing up his rhetoric about bipartisanship, I think we can all get behind him in calling Kanye West a jackass." MSNBC firebrand Keith Olbermann offered effusive praise for Obama calling him a "revolutionary" and saying that "this criticism is as important as anything Obama has said or done to date. Bravo, Mr. President." A recent Rasmussen Poll has shown a significant 10 point jump in his approval ratings since the footage aired and perhaps, more importantly, that Obama can really reach across the aisle to both parties.

Kanye West Issues Apology to Taylor Swift After Reading Your Facebook Status

Kanye West, whose stump speech for Beyonce having the best video of the decade came during Taylor Swift's acceptance speech for Best Female Video, has decided to issue an apology after reading the harsh responses on Facebook. Kanye West, who has admitted that he spends most of his days trolling Facebook looking for mentions of his name in status updates, was taken aback by the negative comments and status updates that went up by the millions just seconds after his faux pas.

"I'm Kanye West, so I figured that anything I do would be greeted by adoration." Kanye West said in an exclusive interview after the VMA's. "But then I went on Facebook and searched for my name... and I was horrified. Amanda Lynn of San Jose St. University said that 'I was an asshole for interrupting sweet little Swift,' Kyla Anderson wrote that 'I now officially hate Kanye West.' But the most damning of all was Jackie Stouffer of Mt. Union High School's poll on whether or not I was out of line for interrupting Taylor Swift. I couldn't believe it! 90% of the 10 respondents said 'yes'. I haven't had this many negative comments since the fish sticks incident. Therefore I would like to apologize to Taylor, even though she doesn't care about black people."

Kanye West's Faux Pas Leads to Awkward VMA Moment

Breaking News from the MTV VMA's:

Taylor Swift, upon receiving the Best Female Video Award was accosted and groped by a drunk and high Kanye West, who also belittled her by saying that Beyonce's video was one of the best ever, and Taylor shouldn't have won. In addition, he claimed that she "doesn't care about black people"and MTV is a racist network. Kanye West then fell off the stage leaving a stunned Taylor Swift who tried to bring some levity to the proceedings by doing an awkward jig as the "Curb Your Enthusiasm" music played over the loud speakers. Rolling Scone Contacted MTV officials, who said only that, "That's Kanye!" and "Oops... he did it again!"