Disney Announces New Miley Cyrus Brand Pole

Miley Cyrus is growing up fast... and Disney has no problem taking advantage.

Although it appeared that Disney, the parent owner of the succesful Hannah Montana series, was irked by August's pole dancing performance by Miley during the Teen Choice Awards, it now appears Disney is taking the oppurtunity to capitalize on the mini scandal.

Disney announced today that they will begin selling a "Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana Brand Dancing Pole." Although not specifically marketed as a strippers pole, Disney made sure to let tween consumers know that the pole can be used in the same manner as Miley Cyrus used her pole back in August.

"The new Miley Cyrus Brand Dancing Pole is the next product in the Miley Cyrus consumer goods empire. Now kids of all ages can pole dance just like their hero Miley did on the Teen Choice Awards."

The pole will be marketed towards girls aged 10 to 16. Disney is already purchasing heavy commercial air time and will begin a blitz marketing campaign on its most popular shows like Hannah Montana, That's so Raven, Wizards of Waverly Place, Sonny With a Chance and Jonas.

The product will be sold at retailers such as Toys R' Us, Wal-Mart, K-Mart and Sears and cost about 75 dollars.

Bruce Springstein Apology

In a letter meant for Rolling Stone Magazine, which was accidentally stolen... err delivered to the wrong address, legendary rocker Bruce Springsteen has written a moving apology to his fans for his recent missteps.

Dear Fans,

I, Bruce "The Boss" Springsteen sincerely apologize to you for selling-out my morals and ethics and disappointing all of you. I, Bruce "The Boss" Springsteen apologize for signing an exclusive and lucrative contract with Wal-Mart so that they alone can sell my fantastic Greatest Hits album, featuring all of my biggest hits on two compact discs for only $8.99, which is a price anyone can afford, even those poor people who work under the oppressive yolk of the evil Wal-Mart corporation. In addition, I Bruce "The Boss" Springsteen apologize for allowing our Super Bowl performance to be taped, normally I, Bruce "The Boss" Springsteen, would never allow my musical integrity to be compromised, but in this case I, Bruce "The Boss" Springsteen decided to make an exception because they paid me a shit-load of money and hey, my kids gotta eat too right? I mean who the hell are you guys to tell me what to do. I wrote Thunder Road and Born to Run, what have you done lately, keep pumping my gas and buying my albums and shut the hell up. Finally, I, Bruce "The Boss" Springsteen, also apologize for teaming with General Mills and Wal-Mart to create my delicious new cereal, The Boss's Springsteen-O's, a delicious chocolate malted cereal with special instrument shaped marshmallows. Every box comes with a commemorative "I hate capitalism" playing card, collect all 52! Additionally it provides 14 essential vitamin's and minerals, perfect for a day of protesting the Iraq War or keying a Hummer! I, Bruce "The Boss" Springsteen would like to thank you, my fans, for calling me out on all my recent misdeeds, it is people like you who keep me honest.

Best,
Bruce "The Boss" Springsteen

p.s. I, "The Boss" pre-emptively apologize for my upcoming McDonald's Commercial in which I endorse Mayor McCheese/Ronald McDonald Presidential Ticket for 2012.