Rob Sheffield Has Never Actually Listened to a Morrissey Song

"At this point, she's like the new Morrissey, except with even more eyeliner." - Rob Sheffield of Rolling Stone.

Rob Sheffield, worse than Hitler

It would be easy to dismiss this quote as: ill-conceived; a desperate ploy to sound hip; a failed attempt to score indie cred, or; worse than Hitler, and all of the preceding quips would be completely justified. However, for a magazine that prides itself for raking musicians over the coals for songwriting faux pas, a quote this horrible must be thoroughly and utterly deconstructed.

Now in theory, comparing a musician like Taylor Swift - a celebrity dating, female pop-country starlet who rose to immense fame by writing songs about boys, losing boys, falling in love with boys and thinking about boys, and whose albums have consistently reached the top of the US charts to Morrissey; the asexual(?) heterosexual(?), bisexual(?), homosexual(?), celibate, pale, pompadoured former lead singer of the Smiths, whose work has been labeled as some of the most influential in all of popular culture but who never had an album reach higher than #55 on the US Billboard charts - seems completely and utterly moronic. But actually in practice it turns out that it's much, much worse. In fact it's so bad that it needs its own list of things that it is, in fact, worse than.

Things that this quote is worse than:
Hitler
9/11
Osama Bin Laden
Socialism
Kurt Cobain being named the 12th greatest guitarist of all time by Rolling Stone
George Bush's grasp of the English Language
Paul Krugman's grasp of economic theory
Pitchfork's genuine disregard and contempt for music and humanity in general
The Devil
Larry the Cable Guy's stand-up
Tyler Perry
The Show Lil'Bush
Ja'Rule
Limp Bizkit's cover of "Behind Blue Eyes"
L33t speak
People who tailgate
The fact that the sun will explode in 5 billion years destroying the entire solar system
The Crusades
Romantic comedies starring Sandra Bullock
Seeing your parents naked
Aids
Tucker Max's views towards women
MTV's Director of Programming
The slow and inevitable aging process that is slowly destroying your body and leaving you old, wrinkly, and impotent
Waterboarding

The quote is so offensive that the only explanation is that Rob Sheffield has never heard a song by Morrissey or the Smiths. This would make sense as neither of those is the Arcade Fire or Lil Wayne.

To paraphrase Wayne Campbell, "If Rob Sheffield was an ice cream flavor he'd be pralines and total sell-out in order to capitalize on Taylor Swift's burgeoning popularity."

Joe Steigerwald Is On Hiatus

Joe Steigerwald is currently on hiatus as he works to get his insurance license. Needless to say "This Blog Goes to 11" will return after he passes in a severely neutered form. Our readers can expect all blogs to follow standard insurance formatting. This means all stories will be subject to thorough combing by lawyers in order to not slander or debase anyone. Everything will also be published in strict adherence to code 14.12 of the insurance standard guidebook, which states no colorful language or interesting wordplay.

Needless to say, to all 4 readers of the Rolling Scone and This Blog Goes to 11 will be extremely disappointed by the results as your lovable blog Lothario becomes part of the insurance bureaucracy.

The Christmas Spirit

We here at the Rolling Scone and TBGT11 were planning on a big Christmas blog blow-out, but instead we got drunk.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays From Us and Ryan Seacrest

Rolling Scone Out!

RIAA Bans People Who Became Famous Through Visual Media From Releasing Music

The Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) announced today that actors and actresses who achieved fame through roles in television and film would no longer be allowed to release or distribute music through any of its member companies. Member companies of the RIAA distribute more than 85% of all music traded in the United States. The move comes after a noticeable increase in attempts to cross over into the world of music, including Drake, Leighton Meester, Heidi Montag, Lindsay Lohan, Hilary Duff, and Scarlett Johansson.

According to RIAA spokesperson Lindsay Carmichael, "Now that we've stopped sending out copyright infringement notices, the major problem on our organizational credibility is the so-called music being created by these already famous people. This will help clear our member rosters for people who use auto-tune as an option rather than out of necessity."

When asked if this ban would cover musicians and singers who had attempted to move into acting, Carmichael added, "According to our market research, the real problem is actors trying to make it as singers. Singers and musicians who have effectively made the transition to acting, like Beyonce Knowles, Britney Spears, and Mariah Carey, will remain on our member labels. Whether they remain in TV or movies is for SAG [Screen Actors Guild] to worry about."

During the press conference, a reporter from Rolling Scone sister organization Radio Free Suburbia asked Carmichael what this meant for Justin Timberlake, who became famous through the Disney's The Mickey Mouse Club, but later as a singer with 'N Sync and as a solo artist. Carmichael stated that the text of the bylaw included an exception for people who became famous through visual media before their 18th birthday. Unfortunately that means that the rest of us are going to be subjected to even more Miley Cyrus in the future.

Swine Flu Brings Rolling Scone to a Screeching Halt

The offices of Rolling Scone Online will be temporarily closed due to founder Joseph Steigerwald being stricken with the swine flu. Depending on his subsequent death or recovery, Rolling Scone will either be back up and running shortly or it will be sold to Arab industrialists for pennies on the dollar.

Pompous Jerk Online Blog Editor Tires of Pretentious Indie Friends, Probably Won't Hang Out With Them Anymore

Joseph Steigerwald, Senior Blogger at the still unknown Rolling Scone - Online and drinker of his own intellectual Kool-Aid, has grown tired of his indie and lo-fi loving "friends." Mr. Steigerwald came to this realization during a recent party at his swanky new Mt. Washington house with a jacuzzi and a killer view that overlooks the city. During the party, two of his more opinionated "friends" were arguing about who was better, U2's the Edge or Jack White of the White Stripes. The two droned on and on about pointless minutiae, everything from who was a better guitar player to whether or not using too many guitar delay pedals made the Edge less of a musician. As Mr. Steigerwald's eyes drooped, he realized that he should probably find some friends who like Fall Out Boy and My Chemical Romance instead of Arcade Fire and Ryan Adams, as they would probably be more into doing keg stands and hitting on chicks. "Everyone knows that Ryan Adams is completely overrated," Mr. Steigerwald told Rolling Scone during a recent interview from his 3rd story penthouse, "I just wish that these 'friends' of mine were into good music, like the things I listen to. I have the best and most varied taste in music out of anyone. I think it's official, I'm going to start hanging out with really slutty girls and guys who drink Jagerbombs and wear Affliction t-shirts. Those are my people now."