Bruce Springstein Apology

In a letter meant for Rolling Stone Magazine, which was accidentally stolen... err delivered to the wrong address, legendary rocker Bruce Springsteen has written a moving apology to his fans for his recent missteps.

Dear Fans,

I, Bruce "The Boss" Springsteen sincerely apologize to you for selling-out my morals and ethics and disappointing all of you. I, Bruce "The Boss" Springsteen apologize for signing an exclusive and lucrative contract with Wal-Mart so that they alone can sell my fantastic Greatest Hits album, featuring all of my biggest hits on two compact discs for only $8.99, which is a price anyone can afford, even those poor people who work under the oppressive yolk of the evil Wal-Mart corporation. In addition, I Bruce "The Boss" Springsteen apologize for allowing our Super Bowl performance to be taped, normally I, Bruce "The Boss" Springsteen, would never allow my musical integrity to be compromised, but in this case I, Bruce "The Boss" Springsteen decided to make an exception because they paid me a shit-load of money and hey, my kids gotta eat too right? I mean who the hell are you guys to tell me what to do. I wrote Thunder Road and Born to Run, what have you done lately, keep pumping my gas and buying my albums and shut the hell up. Finally, I, Bruce "The Boss" Springsteen, also apologize for teaming with General Mills and Wal-Mart to create my delicious new cereal, The Boss's Springsteen-O's, a delicious chocolate malted cereal with special instrument shaped marshmallows. Every box comes with a commemorative "I hate capitalism" playing card, collect all 52! Additionally it provides 14 essential vitamin's and minerals, perfect for a day of protesting the Iraq War or keying a Hummer! I, Bruce "The Boss" Springsteen would like to thank you, my fans, for calling me out on all my recent misdeeds, it is people like you who keep me honest.

Best,
Bruce "The Boss" Springsteen

p.s. I, "The Boss" pre-emptively apologize for my upcoming McDonald's Commercial in which I endorse Mayor McCheese/Ronald McDonald Presidential Ticket for 2012.

CREATE YOUR OWN CAPTION!!! volume 1

We here at RollingScone think our fans deserve a little something for slogging through all this tripe and so we have decided to rip off the New Yorker and let you, the reader, create your own caption for this hilaaaarious picture above. Send your submissions to JStags@yahoo.com so we can mock them without mercy. If yours is chosen you will get nothing, except a byline in the smallest font that we can manage. If no one sends anything (very likely) then our editor Joseph Steigerwald will make his own because chances are he's better at it than you anyway.

Sample Examples:
Beyonce (to Pete Seeger): Oh Mr. Seeger, I really like that "Night Moves" song, and "Turn the Page" is one of my all-time favorites!

Pete Seeger (to Will.i.am and Beyonce): Oh hey, how's the marriage you two. My kids really like that "Crazy in Love" song you guys did.

Bruce Springsteen (to Beyonce): Your Music is bullshit.

Pete Seeger (to Will.i.am and Beyonce): They let you guys run for president?

Will.i.am (to himself): What the hell's an inauguration.

Beyonce (to herself): Is this Bono...?

Pete Seeger (to himself): Hopefully someone will mistake me for Willie Nelson and give me a joint.



(Pete Seeger, Bruce Springsteen, Beyonce Knowles, and will.i.am at the We Are One concert at the Lincoln Memorial during festivities for the inauguration of President Barack Obama. Photo courtesy Alex Brandon of the Associated Press.)