Media: Unimpressive; Michael Jackson's Death Doesn't Live Up to Reputation

"Unimpressive." That was the word from CNN head honcho Ted Turner following the death of Michael Jackson yesterday. "Kind of disappointing," said Entertainment Tonight.

The US media has not been kind in their reviews of Michael Jackson's death. Ryan Seacrest was disappointed by the understated manner of Jackson's death. "Celebrities of this caliber usually go out in a much bigger way. Drug fueled suicides, being gunned down by stalkers or jealous lovers, a high speed chase or car crash, heart attacks while naked with small children... these are the kind of deaths that we expect from these types of world class celebrities. The King of Pop really didn't live up to his name this time. Slipping into a coma and dying? It's a little disappointing when you think of the possibilities."

Mixed Jackson death reviews came from the cables news world, as well. Joe Scarborough of MSNBC's "Morning Joe" took the optimist's route, saying its still early and that the autopsy could reveal really exotic drug use drug use or possibly even alien probing and that could really inject some spice into the whole thing. However, Anderson Cooper of CNN went negative, saying the timing of the death could have been better and noting that sweeps week had long since passed. He also fretted that all in all he expected something better, fireworks, jealous monkey lovers, a triple murder suicide, something that would befit the man who sold 26 million copies of Thriller. "At the very least I would expect some sparklers, some sequins and a crouch grab or too. Frankly I just dont feel satisfied, but I suppose Madonna or Bono could die at any minute... hopefully while doing coke off each other, naked, in a plane crash on their way to help starving children in Africa... that'd be huge ratings."

Just Announced: High School Musical 4!

In a RollingScone exclusive, we have uncovered details for the newest chapter in the High School Musical saga, entitled Freddy vs. High School Musical. In a bold move, the incredibly successful High School Musical franchise will go the same route as a the Freddie, Jason and Alien series and spin off into a vs. direction in an attempt to freshen the franchise. Although some may argue that the HSM series is still incredibly successful, this pro-active approach ensures the long term viability of the series.

Director Eli Roth had optioned the picture in 2008 shortly after High School Musical 3 hit theatres, from a script he wrote himself. The story featured Freddy hacking and slashing his way through the dreams of Troy, Gabriella and the rest of the HSM crew. However, Eli and Disney could not come to terms on budget and compensation so the production was halted while the movie was shopped around. In March of 2009, Sam Raimi, fresh off "Drag me to Hell," decided to pick up the movie, along with a revised script. The new script from the horror master spun around the Freddy formula into a scathing satire of the current tween culture. In the new script, it is Freddy who finds his dreams haunted by the cheerful PG-rated songs of Troy, Gabriella and Sharpay. Everywhere Freddy goes, from supermarkets to the mall, all he sees and hears are the spirited, inspirational song and dance of the most polite, least sexually active group of teenagers ever. Freddy, so distraught with the way of the world decides to go into his own dreams and kill himself, rather than face another day of being haunted by Zac Effron and Vanessa Hudgens.

In Freddy vs. HSM, Freddy Krueger will be played by Jackie Earle Haley, Freddy's dad will be played by former Freddy star Robert Englund. They will be joined by the entire HSM cast along with a special appearance by Richard Dreyfus as the cranky dean and Michael Clarke Duncan as the janitor. The movie is scheduled to be shot this fall and released in the fall of 2011.

Kenny Wanye Shepherd #1 Fan Discovered

Billy Joe Talbot is a 42 year-old grocery store clerk from Tulsa Oklahoma. He has been to two Kenny Wayne Shepherd concerts, bought a 15 dollar t-shirt from the last KWS tour and knows that Kenny Wayne Shepherd did not sing vocals on their biggest hit, Blue on Black. Because of this, Billy Joe Talbot was recently named the worlds #1 Kenny Wayne fan by Kenny himself.
"After years of searching, I was finally able to track down a fan so devoted that he had been to more than one of my concerts and who knew that I'm actually really the guitar player, not the singer of the band as everyone assumes." Kenny Wayne visited Billy Joe at the grocery store and gave him an official #1 plaque and his complete discology. Billy Joe had this to say to Rolling Scone after the announcement. "Yeah I like Kenny Wayne, he's probably in my top 100 favorite artists... Maybe, top 200. I think he's got a lot of talent, good guitar player, and I like that he's singing more on the new albums. I may even go to another Kenny Wayne concert in the next ten years or so... If he's ever really close by and the tickets are less than 30 bucks, otherwise I'll just buy some Skynyrd or Allman Brother tickets. I mean those bands are classic."

RollingScone's Top Stories of the Week!

Brett Michaels Hit by Falling Karma
Brett Michaels, precocious star of Rock of Love and former lead singer of Poison, was hit on the head by a falling piece of karma at the Tony Awards last week. The piece of stage was knocked loose by Brett's past transgressions which range from dating Pamela Anderson to having sex with multiple floozy's for three seasons of Rock of Love without any consequences. However during the Tony awards all his previous sins finally came to a head and the piece of stage struck him in the head and knocked him out.

The Society of Tight Pants and Chuck T's (STPCT) Removes Kings of Leon from Acceptable List; Issues Warning to Grizzly Bear
The Society of Tight Pants and Chuck T's, the secret organization which regulates what kind of music that today's indie and emo kid's can like, has officially removed Kings of Leon from its list of acceptable bands to like. the STPCT had issued a warning to Kings of Leon after Molly's Chambers was used on a car commercial. However, the King's latest album, "Because of the Times" with its singles Sex on Fire and Someone Like You have received far too much radio play for the band to remain acceptably cool. Indie kids are advised to denigrate the band by saying the songwriting is too poppy and by saying that the album is over produced. Calling the band "sell-outs" is also urged. The STPCT has also issued a warning to the band Grizzly Bear due to their album making the Billboard top 10.

Lady Gaga's "Poker Face" playing on New York Radio Stations 24/7 for the Past 3 Months
For the past three months, at every minute of every day, 24/7, Lady Gaga's super hit "Poker Face" has been on the radio on one of 12 New York Radio Stations. From the Spanish language Mega 97.9 to 107.5 WBLS urban contemporary, "Poker Face" was run on a continual loop. Additionally on June 1st at 12:23am, "Poker Face" could be found on 7 of the 12 NYC radio stations simultaneously. The run was finally broken on June 11th when "Poker Face" was completely absent from the radio for 25 seconds, until Fresh 102.7 played the song and started another 4 day cycle of continuous play.

Simon Cowell: America Still Not Ready for Interesting American Idol

Simon Cowell, noted producer and star of Fox's American Idol, has released a scathing attack on every single person living in America after the surprise loss by Adam Lambert in the finals. Upset by the surprising results, which came after he all but guaranteed a victory by the flashy interesting and now un-closeted Adam Lambert, Simon Cowell released this statement yesterday to Billy Bush and Entertainment Tonight.

"I see that Americans, the wankers that they are, have absolutely no taste in anything. All that bollocks about America no longer being bigoted is complete rubbish. Sure Obama got elected, but who the hell cares about the President and Democracy, we're talking about American Idol here, we're much more popular than President Muppet, always cocking-up things around the world. Well those barmy Americans go ahead and vote for some prat named Kris, cor blimey he spells it with a K! Kris with a K. I shoulda known these are the same wankers who voted for Reuben Studdard and Taylor Hicks. So we get this dodgy prick named Kris instead of the guy-lined Adam. I mean Christ, Brian May loved this chap, and I think he knows talent when he sees it. Americans can elect blacks, whites, Jews, girls, gays, straights, but those wankers still haven't learned how to elect a bloody interesting Idol yet. Here is my advice to you Americans who still can't figure out how to elect an idol with bollocks. You're dreadful. I hope you die, I hope your parents get divorced and you find out that you were actually born with both female and male genitals. You should just kill yourself, you're useless, you're ugly, you have a stupid laugh and you're probably going to gonorrhea and die before the age of 26."

Guitar Hero 5 Track List Exclusive!

The official track list of Harmonix's latest addition to the Guitar Hero franchise:

John Tesh - NBA on NBC Theme Song
Duke Ellington - Take the A-train
Britney Spears - Womanizer
Jesse McCartney - She's No You
Rockapella - Where In the World is Carmen Sandiego?
Tenacious D - Karate Shnitzel
ABBA - Take a Chance on Me
Andrew W.K. - It's Time To Party
9th Symphony - Beethoven
First of Da Month - Bone Thugz N' Harmony
Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger - Daft Punk
Ella Fitzgerald - Blue Skies
Hail to the Victors - Michigan Alma Mater
Wham! - Jitterbug
Hans Zimmer - Pirates of the Caribbean Soundtrack
Joe Esposito - Your the Best
Jane Austin (as read by Merryl Streep) - Pride and Prejudice
New Kids on the Block - Hangin' Tough
Night Ranger - Sister Christian
Phil Collins - Sussudio
Prince - Little Red Corvette
Queen - Seaside Rendesvouz
The Smiths - Frankly Mr. Shankly
Soundgarden - Ty Cobb
Styx - Mr. Roboto
LFO - Summer Girls
Extreme - More than Words
Seether - Careless Whisper
Wu-Tang Clan - Wu-Tang Ain't Nothin To F--- With
Yes - Close to the Edge
3 Doors Down - Citizen Soldiers
Duck Tales - Duck Tales Theme
Lez Zeppelin - Hats Off to Roy Harper
Lynyrd Skynyrd - Free Bird (Live 2008)
Peter Cetera - Glory of Love
Will Ferrell - Afternoon Delight

Breaking News: Music Retailers to Create "Everything Except Country and Rap" Sections in Stores

In a surprising coordinated business strategy, hundreds of music retailers nationwide are changing their methods of sorting in-store inventory into musical genres, instead creating a large section called "Everything Except Country and Rap." Rap and country will be relegated to either one or two separate sections within the stores, but this has not been standardized.

A representative for Best Buy, speaking on condition of anonymity, said that the decision by the American Association of Large, Non-Independent Music Retailers (AALNIMR), an organization that works closely with the RIAA and the NRA came in response to changing consumer demands.

"Before, more people had defined tastes - they were into classic rock, or alternative, or new wave, or something else. Now, nearly 70% of our poll respondents seem to have gained an appreciation for all music, except for country and rap, obviously," the representative said at a press conference this morning. "It's clear that our business model should reflect the needs of the public, not outdated notions of genre and classification."

Many customers seem happy about the change. Rick Suleck, 19, was shopping for new music at Border's in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. Suleck calls himself "a huge fan of everything except country and rap." Now, he says, "It will be a lot easier to find music I will definitely like. Before I had to wade through all sorts of genre discriminations that really don't matter. At the end of the day, it's all rock and roll, right?" Suleck then displayed the Devil Fingers (a common rock and roll related hand gesture that is a fist with the palm out, except with the index and pinkie fingers pointed straight up instead of curled).

Amanda Eberstein, who was shopping yesterday at Barnes and Noble in Modesto, California, was not as excited about the announcement. She expressed concerns that "everything except country and rap" was too broad a label, asking, "Do you think this section include genre crossover acts like the Beastie Boys and Ryan Adams?"

Trent MacCoy, Eberstein's boyfriend who was shopping with her, was also unclear about the true purpose of the new section. "Will this include everything that isn't country or rap? Even things that are non-musical in nature, such as housewares, or floral arrangements."

AALNIMR representatives were unwilling to comment on these and other questions posed by Rolling Scone reporters, saying that these details had not yet been decided, as the decision-making summit, taking place in Palm Springs, California, was ongoing.

Noticeably absent from negotiations are the thousands of independent music retailers around the United States, though changes to their inventory display methods seem unlikely to change anytime soon.

Doug Baker, co-owner of West Wind Books and Records in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, was unsurprised by the announcement. "The AALNIMR's decision is indicative of the current state of music listenership in this country, but definitely not indicative of the consumer base of my store and others like it."

"My customers know the differents between hi-fi and lo-fi, grunge and punk, rockabilly and psychobilly, glam and prog - they are more specific in their tastes, and want their store to recognize that."

Some artists are upset by the new genre classification. A group of country and rap artists calling themselves the Country-Rap Antidiscrimination Parnership (CRAP), are starting to put together a lawsuit to overturn the AALNIMR's decision.

Kanye West and Dolly Parton, the acting co-presidents of CRAP until the organization is officially formed, released a joint statement.

"SHIIIiiiiiiiitttttt SSSSSssson. We, the country-RAP Antidiscrimination Partnership, believe that the actions of the AALNIMR are unfairly biased against country and rap music [boob jiggle] . TTTTThhhhiiissssssssssS iiiiisssSSSSSSS BUUUUUULLLshiiiiit. WHHY IIISN'T eeeMOoOO orrrR eeeLectroniCA leFFtttt ouT???!!! How about free jazz, or classical [boob jiggle]? CRAP vooWS to PPPut aN eND to thiiiis."

Rolling Scone will be following this story closely and updating details as they become available. Don't forget to check Rolling Scone Online for the latest in music news, reviews, and terrible twos.