The Christmas Spirit

We here at the Rolling Scone and TBGT11 were planning on a big Christmas blog blow-out, but instead we got drunk.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays From Us and Ryan Seacrest

Rolling Scone Out!

Tiger Woods Story Completely Devoid of Any Connection to Music, No Reason To Be Covered by Music Blogs... at All

There is breaking news on the Tiger Woods story. But you will find no such coverage here. If someone is looking for a story on Tiger Woods they should check ESPN, or US Weekly, or one of the literally thousands of blogs that are falling all over themselves to chime in on the debate.

One could easily peruse websites and blogs like:
http://web.tigerwoods.com/news/article/200912117801012/news/,
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/news/story?id=4744216,
http://www.tmz.com/category/tiger-woods/
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1232544/Tiger-Woods-Jaimee-Grubbs-Kalika-Moquin-named-mistresses.html

to find all they need to know about the Tiger Woods story. Why coming to a blog like This Blog Goes to 11 would be as pointless as marrying Tiger Woods and expecting him to be faithful.

Why should a curious web surfer check a different blog? Because a music blog like the Rolling Scone has no reason to cover such a story as it has nothing to do with music or radio or anything even remotely close to something that could reasonably be blogged about by this esteemed blog or its parent company This Blog Goes to 11. 

 The only sniff of music involved in the Tiger Woods case would be his first mistress Jamie Grubbs, who appeared on the cable show "Tool Academy." "Tool Academy" of course was broadcast on VH1. The same VH1 which now exclusively runs programming that deals with "celebreality" and pointless lists, was rumored to show music videos. However making the leap from Tiger Woods to Jamie Grubbs to something that could be covered by a musically exclusive blog would go against all the blogging rules of etiquette and would never be tolerated in the blogosphere community.

Sure Tiger Woods is a sycophantic liar who only cares about his career and has abandoned his wife and kids to have a few dozen affairs with women not as hot as his wife, and his possible involvement with steroids only invites more criticism. However, this doesn't mean he's fair game for just any blogger to criticize. Only bloggers qualified in entertainment, law, sports, marriage, family, golf, sex, women, men, grass, arcitechture, gatorade, iron, wood, CBS, business, African-American issues, Asian interests or scandals should venture forth their opinion on the matter.

Needless to say Rolling Scone and This Blog Goes to 11 would never think of stooping to those depths stooped by less prestigious blogs. Rest assured you will NEVER see any coverage of the Tiger Woods story on these hallowed walls.

President Obama "Destroying New Jersey is our Number One Priority"

Washington D.C - President Barack Obama outlined his plans for fixing America during his recent State of the Union Address. Near the top of his list: fixing the economy, stopping global warming and sending more troops to Afghanistan. However, Obama made sure to reiterate that his number one priority is and has been "bombing the shit out of New Jersey."

Since the premiere of the new MTV show "Jersey Shore" citizens across the United States have been calling for the destruction of New Jersey, or at the very least the state to secede from the Union.

A  viral video of a man punching "snookie" one of the "Jersey Shore" cast members in the face has spread across the internet like wildfire causing outrage in 49 of 50 states. Message boards across the internet have been bombarded with outraged posters from all across almost all of the United States. New Jersey citizens on the other hand have overwhelmingly approved the male on female assault.

In a statewide referendum, 90% of New Jeresey'ers voted "yo" when asked, "Yo broski would you sock this skank?" In a related poll 93% of respondents said "they grunt when they get their swell on at the gym."

Obama, in his address said that "destroying New Jersey is our new number one domestic priority. After seeing the reprehensible actions undertaken by the New Jersey beach goers on the MTV show "Jersey Shore" the United States has only one option, bombing the shit out of New Jersey.

The people of the United States have spoken and New Jersey is no longer welcome to participate in our great union. The guidos of New Jersey have given America a permanent black eye. I have issued executive order 13234, authorizing the United States military to begin bombing operations on the Jersey Shore. By Christmas New Jersey will be no more than a smoking crater and the guido scourge will be over."

Rolling Stone: New Panel Consisting of Radiohead Names Radiohead Best Artist of the Decade

In a new exclusive poll from Rolling Stone magazine, the band Radiohead has named the band Radiohead as the band of the decade.

The new Rolling Stone magazine details the best albums, artists and songs of the decade by polling a panel of different artists and industry insiders. A panel consisting of the band Radiohead was polled to determine the best artist of the decade. Radiohead chose the band Radiohead as their first choice, coming in second was Thom Yorke as a solo artist and then Johnny Greenwood as a solo artist. Gnarls Barkley was chosen to pick the best song of the decade; which turned out to be Gnarls Barkley's "Crazy." Thom Yorke, lead singer of Radiohead picked the best LP of the decade, Radiohead's Kid A.

Kanye West decided that all of his own albums would be on the top 100, even the critically mixed 808's and Heartbreak. "I am the genius voice of a generation. All my albums should be treated as equal masterpieces."

The new Rolling Stone also features pitchfork aping album reviews, insane Liberal political commentary by Matt Taibbi and tasteful photos of  17 year old Taylor Lautner sans clothes.

Coheed and Cambria to Release New Album, Book, Claudio Sanchez Wig

Normally This Blog Goes to 11.com would never post such a "normal" sounding news story. However, as Co&Ca are a favorite of our editor, we're going to anyway. Plus it's a good way to increase web traffic.

Sell-outfully yours,

Joseph Steigerwald


Copy and Pasted from Coheedandcambria.com

Hey Everybody,

Happy Holidays and all that. We know you have been waiting patiently for Coheed info for 2010, so we hope this fills your hunger for now:

Our new album will be titled, “Year of the Black Rainbow,” and is set for release in April 2010 and will be followed by a headline tour of the US, and then on to Europe and the UK for festivals and such.

As most of you know, the new album will be the “Origin Story” or “The Prequel,” and likely the final story of the ongoing concept story of “The Amory Wars”

With “Year of the Black Rainbow,” we will be releasing a deluxe package that includes a NOVEL OF THE SAME NAME. Not a graphic novel, but a full 300+page prose novel, which will tell the origins of Coheed and Cambria, and much more. There will be no mystery to this story, you will be able to explore it like never before. Presales will start near the end of December, exact date and pricing to be announced soon.

Producing this record is:
Atticus Ross http://www.ninwiki.com/Atticus_Ross
And Joe Baressi: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joe_Barresi

They have helped us evolve our sound to be more powerful and dynamic than ever and we think it’s definitely our best work to date.
Some song titles are: “Here We are Juggernaut,” “The Broken,” “Pearl of the Stars,” and “Guns of Summer.”

Co-writing the book with Claudio is Peter David http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_David

The album will be released through Columbia Records/Sony in North America. For the rest of the world, Sony has licensed the rights to Roadrunner Records, who we feel will better make our music available in those territories, and opening up the potential for us to come to countries we rarely or never have been to before. We are very excited.

Can’t wait til you can experience it.

Peace,
Co&Ca

Panicked Viewers Flood MTV With Reports of Unidentified Music Video Sighting

Panicked MTV (Music Television) viewers have begun flooding the network with reports of an actual music video sighting. Just minutes before the premiere of the new MTV (Music Television) show Jersey Shore, excited guidos everywhere were shocked to discover a snippet of Lady Gaga's Bad Romance video.

Older non-targeted demographics may remember a time when music videos were in regular rotation on all of the MTV (Music Television) networks. However nearly all female viewers in the 18-24 year range have never experienced an MTV (Music Television) music video.

Calls began pouring in to MTV (Music Television) headquarters in New York shortly before 10pm EST. Viewers reported seeing Lady Gaga dancing in a choreographed routine while singing Bad Romance. Many callers did not understand that these "music videos" are previously recorded and were outraged at not being notified that Lady Gaga was performing that night.

MTV (Music Television) immediately responded with a statement saying that the music video was a programming mistake and that it was shut off after only 25 seconds of airtime. MTV (Music Television) told Rolling Scone-ONLINE that the actual clip was supposed to be a promo for MTV's (Music Television) new prime time show, "Stereotyp'd," which will undoubtably set back race relations in America. The new show features different races acting exactly like their stereotypical selves, except on camera for all America to see.

Music Television appologized for the music video making it onto their airwaves and said that they would double their efforts to make sure that no music video ever aired again on Music Television.

The Eyes of Seacrest, Pt 1.

I don't remember what day it is.

I've been listening to Kiss 96.1 for the past three weeks. No breaks, no silence, only the sounds of the Kiss Freak Show in the morning, Tall Cathy from 10 to 1... I can't remember who comes on after that. Some incompetent jackass. It's all the same... all the same. 

Who am I?


The inane babbling. If i hear one more mention of the word freak show I'm going to take my own life and the lives of thousands of other innocent people. The incompetent disc jockeying, if Bubba interrupts the ending of another song with his shitty singing I'm going to rip my eyes out of my head. The incredibly stupid celebrity gossip. Who cares... WHO CARES!!! NO ONE CARES TALL CATHY, NO ONE CARES ABOUT WHAT VH1 SLUT TIGER WOODS WAS BANGING.


I'm okay...


I've heard Bad Romance three hundred and twenty six times... today. Brittney Spears singing about threesomes and orgies has lost all of its meaning. I can't tell if this song is Rhianna, Beyonce or Keisha. I don' think it matters. 


...


I can't stop thinking about which celebrities I'd like to interview. I bet Matthew Fox has a lot of interesting things to say. I'd really like to get inside the mind of Sharon Osbourne...


I wonder what Adam Lambert is up to since his racy AMA performance? Probably something extremely interesting and relevant to our nation.


Kiss 96.1 has been playing for one whole month straight.


...


What am I becoming? I'm... changing...


My hair has begun to change colors. My tips have become frosted. My hair has begun to stand up in a spiky yet tousled style that exudes both smug self satisfaction and rebel without a comb.


...


Kiss 96.1 is still on, I can't even hear it anymore, my mind has been overwhelmed by the Tiger Woods scandal, Jersey Shore, celebrity sex tapes, who John Mayer is sleeping with. It's all too much. 


I've been overwhelemed by a feeling... For the past two weeks it has slowly engulfed me...I can't fight it anymore... I want to produce sleazy celebreality shows for E! No, I have to produce sleazy celebreality shows for E! Where can I find a celebrity so pathetic and irrelevent that they will gladly give up their entire lives for my flim crew... I don't know if any Hollywood celebrity would ever sink so low, but I have to try...


I have another great idea for a show... I have to get together with Paris Hilton, she's the only one smart and talented enough to help me realize my dreams...

I have to host a show on E! I have to have a syndicated radio show thats broadcast across America.


My old self is dead. I am no longer the man I used to be.



...

I know who I am... I know what I have become... It all makes sense now.

  
...


I AM RYAN SEACREST!




...




SEACREST OUT!