I don't remember what day it is.
I've been listening to Kiss 96.1 for the past three weeks. No breaks, no silence, only the sounds of the Kiss Freak Show in the morning, Tall Cathy from 10 to 1... I can't remember who comes on after that. Some incompetent jackass. It's all the same... all the same.
Who am I?
The inane babbling. If i hear one more mention of the word freak show I'm going to take my own life and the lives of thousands of other innocent people. The incompetent disc jockeying, if Bubba interrupts the ending of another song with his shitty singing I'm going to rip my eyes out of my head. The incredibly stupid celebrity gossip. Who cares... WHO CARES!!! NO ONE CARES TALL CATHY, NO ONE CARES ABOUT WHAT VH1 SLUT TIGER WOODS WAS BANGING.
I'm okay...
I've heard Bad Romance three hundred and twenty six times... today. Brittney Spears singing about threesomes and orgies has lost all of its meaning. I can't tell if this song is Rhianna, Beyonce or Keisha. I don' think it matters.
...
I can't stop thinking about which celebrities I'd like to interview. I bet Matthew Fox has a lot of interesting things to say. I'd really like to get inside the mind of Sharon Osbourne...
I wonder what Adam Lambert is up to since his racy AMA performance? Probably something extremely interesting and relevant to our nation.
Kiss 96.1 has been playing for one whole month straight.
...
What am I becoming? I'm... changing...
My hair has begun to change colors. My tips have become frosted. My hair has begun to stand up in a spiky yet tousled style that exudes both smug self satisfaction and rebel without a comb.
...
Kiss 96.1 is still on, I can't even hear it anymore, my mind has been overwhelmed by the Tiger Woods scandal, Jersey Shore, celebrity sex tapes, who John Mayer is sleeping with. It's all too much.
I've been overwhelemed by a feeling... For the past two weeks it has slowly engulfed me...I can't fight it anymore... I want to produce sleazy celebreality shows for E! No, I have to produce sleazy celebreality shows for E! Where can I find a celebrity so pathetic and irrelevent that they will gladly give up their entire lives for my flim crew... I don't know if any Hollywood celebrity would ever sink so low, but I have to try...
I have another great idea for a show... I have to get together with Paris Hilton, she's the only one smart and talented enough to help me realize my dreams...
I have to host a show on E! I have to have a syndicated radio show thats broadcast across America.
My old self is dead. I am no longer the man I used to be.
...
I know who I am... I know what I have become... It all makes sense now.
...
I AM RYAN SEACREST!
...
SEACREST OUT!
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