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Monday, January 11, 2010

Soundgarden Reunion Sure to Dissapoint New, Alienate Old Fans

Yes, it's true. Soundgarden, one of the first and most venerable of the Seattle Grunge rock groups has gotten back together. The band, which consists of Chris Cornell, Kim Thayil, Ben Shepherd and Matt Cameron all attended a Pearl Jam show in Los Angeles and after Cornell briefly reuinted supergroup Temple of the Dog on stage, the four began talking about a full-fledged reunion.

On January 1st, a twitter message from front man Chris Cornell trumpeted the return of the band, which had split in 1997 after the release of the critically mixed Down on the Upside. Soon after Cornell's announcement a new website, Soundgardenworld appeared stating that "the 12 year break is over and school is back in session," and trumpeting that "the knights of the soundtable ride again!"

Unfortunately, as Alice in Chains, the Who, Kiss, Smashing Pumpkins and every other band that ever broke up and got back together and then released an album proved, the new Soundgarden is sure to disappoint everyone, whether it be grizzled grunge veteran, dusty classic rocker or young punk looking for something beyond the latest Breaking Benjamin release.

Although Soundgarden has the added benefit of having all of its original members. The fact that they are well past their twenties means that they are completely out of ideas and that their rock music will be doddering, out of date, and "good, but only comapred to Breaking Benjamin."

Countless fans have flooded online message boards with posts like:

"I can't believe they finally got back together!!!!! Too bad Cornell lost most of his pipes singing with Audioslave. I thought Kim Thayil was dead!"

"I can't wait to be moderately dissapointed by their undoubtably forthcoming album of brand new material!!!! It's gonna rock!!! But only cuz rock sucks now!! But it will be better than Breaking Benjamin1!!!"

"I bet the reunion tour will be moderately successful, sell at about 75% of capacity, but disappoint longtime fans while simultaneously not win any new ones!"

"At least they're not Breaking Benjamin!"


The band's whereabouts are currently unknown, but many suspect that they are already hard at work with their awkward comeback disc. Fans can't wait for the new disc to sell well below expectations and Billboard is already gearing up for it's new article explaining where the band went wrong with their new album and single, which will only hit #11 on the Modern Rock charts .

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