New Fruit of the Loom Commercial Perpetuates Racial Stereotype

On January 1st, 1863, Abraham Lincoln Issues the Emancipation Proclamation ostensibly freeing all African American slaves in the United States. In 1954, in the landmark Brown vs. the Board of Education case, the United States Supreme Court ruled that "seperate but equal" was unconstitutional paving the way for the civil rights movement. January 20th, 2009, Barack Obama becomes the 1st African American president of the United States.

Yet even with all of the historic advancements, African Americans continue to be stereotyped. In movies, in sports, on the street. Many people claim that America is a color-blind country, that we live in a society that can look past skin color and judge a person by their deeds and actions. These people are wrong.

The proof? This seemingly innocuous Fruit of the Loom commercial. At first glance it seems like a fairly straightforward commercial. Men of different races and creeds dressed up as a variety of instrument wielding fruit, hawking comfortable underwear with a rock ballad. HOWEVER, upon closer introspection, a shocking revelation can be gleaned.



The 29 second mark reveals the money shot. A green grape playing lead guitar? Okay nothing wrong with that. An apple lead singer? Totally normal. Some sort of leaf thing playing drums? You see it everyday. But wait. What's this? If you can hardly believe your eyes you're not alone. Yes, in a shocking and most heinous casting decision, the racists at Fruit of the Loom have decided to perpetuate one of the most hurtful and longstanding stereotypes of all: All African American men can play the bass guitar.

God forbid the racists at Fruit of the Loom could have an African American man playing the piano or rocking the drums. Maybe they could have put him as lead guitarist. Hey FOTL, ever heard of Jimi Hendrix? I hear he was pretty good at guitar.

It is sickening to see this hurtful stereotype still thriving in today's society, much less being plastered all over the airwaves for everyone to see. Fruit of the Loom should be ashamed and you the public should be outraged.

There is no place for this type of ad on TV. I hope you will join me in boycotting all fruit of the loom underwear until they make reparations for this blatant racist stereotype.

(Also, the African American is dressed as a bunch of purple grapes. Oh all African Americans love grape soda do they? Maybe they should just show him in shackles and an orange jump suit, eating fried chicken and talking to a white woman while they're at it. Disgusting, where is Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton on this one?)

Miley Cyrus' Bong Hit Fourth Sign of the Nudepocalypse

Sign 1. Innapropriate Text/Sext messages somehow leaked onto the internet
Sign 2. Plummeting album sales
Sign 3. Celebrating an 18th birthday
Sign 4. Drug arrest/Documented drug use
Sign 5. Unplanned pregnancy
Sign 6. Tearful appearance on Oprah
Sign 7. Rumors of a sex tape/sex tape settlement with jealous ex-lover

Not nude. For now.

These are the seven warning signs of the Nudepocalypse. The seven signs that foretell a forthcoming nude pictorial or sex tape of a formerly chaste and innocent female celebrity. Hundreds of female celebrities and socialites have experienced these signs, to the delight of the fat fingered heavy breathing perverts Googling naked celebrities with the "safe search" turned off.

The latest celebrity to experience these signs is Miley Cyrus. Fresh off leaked picture messages of Miley in inappropriate poses and a disappointingly low selling album comes the fourth sign: Documented drug use. The latest scandal to engulf Miley is a video of her smoking Salvia out of a bong. While Salvia is technically legal, it is known for its hallucinogenic properties and is drawing the ire of parents groups and police.

Miley Cyrus, aka Hannah Montana has already begun to distance herself from her formerly kiddie "Disney" persona with various slutty performances and risque internet photos. Following the latest video of Miley smoking out of a bong, Billy Ray Cyrus, her awful, awful father has come out saying he's "sorry" and "sad" for his daughter's behavior. However he is unable to maintain any control over his daughter because she is the only reason he has a job or money, or a sex-life. However, those who follow the signs of the Nudepocalypse know that this sign, along with the third sign of a celebrated 18th birthday leaves Miley only 3 signs away from sweet, glorious (and now legal) nudity.

Experts say that Miley has the best chance yet of fulfilling the seven signs and take her clothes off to make money and/or revive her undoubtedly flagging career. While many experts also expected Britney Spears to pose for Playboy and "accidentally" release a sex tape, she was able to mount a somewhat successful comeback and delay the inevitable for another 5 years. At which point her body will be wrinkled, stretched to the point of Danielle Staub.

Air Drum Solo Gone Wrong Leads to 14 Dead, 33 Injured

Phil Collins causes carnage on I - 805

Tragedy struck the greater San Deigo area today as an ill-timed air drum solo led to a thirteen vehicle pile up on the 805, causing multiple fatalities and clogging rush hour traffic. Witnesses say that the initial cause of the accident was a pickup truck that seemed to lose control for no reason. The truck then careened into a charter bus full of senior citizens, flipped over and burst into flames. The resulting carnage involved 12 other cars, a tractor-trailer and a bus.

Early reports from the San Deigo Police Department indicate that the cause of the accident was an air drum solo during Phil Collins' "In the Air Tonight". The driver of the pickup truck, Steve Dubinski, age 32, suffered only minor injuries and was taken into custody where he revealed that the loss of control was caused by an errant drum solo. His statement first taken by the SDPD, has now been released to the media.

"Well I was listening to 101.5 KGB and they had that Phil Collins song on, In the Air Tonight, the one about the guy who was drowning, and well that part came on where the drums first kick in, you know the part in the movie 'Hangover' where Mike Tyson does it, although he doesn't punch out Zach Galifinakis at the end like he appears to in the trailer which I thought was kind of a rip-off because that was way funnier than how he did it in the actual movie. Anyway I took my hands off the wheel to do it, because I was trying to impress this chick who was in the truck with me, and it looks way cooler if you do it two handed, and I must have hit a pothole or something cuz I was half way through the solo and the truck veered to the right and hit this bus. I tried to finish the solo but the truck was airborne at this point and I think i missed the last beat. When I woke up there were sirens everywhere and the song was over."

The passenger, Theresa Douglas, age 21, suffered a lacerated face but is expected to make a full recovery. The names of the deceased have been withheld as family has been notified, but most of the fatalities were a result of the senior citizens bus rolling over an embankment.

San Deigo Police Chief William Lansdowne was unavailable for interview but records indicate that this is the third such incident involving air-instrument-solo's gone wrong to strike San Deigo this year. The death total now stands at 45 with 89 injured and over 10 million dollars in property damage. 

Mr. Dubinski is being held without bail on 14 counts of vehicular homicide and reckless driving.

Rob Sheffield Has Never Actually Listened to a Morrissey Song

"At this point, she's like the new Morrissey, except with even more eyeliner." - Rob Sheffield of Rolling Stone.

Rob Sheffield, worse than Hitler

It would be easy to dismiss this quote as: ill-conceived; a desperate ploy to sound hip; a failed attempt to score indie cred, or; worse than Hitler, and all of the preceding quips would be completely justified. However, for a magazine that prides itself for raking musicians over the coals for songwriting faux pas, a quote this horrible must be thoroughly and utterly deconstructed.

Now in theory, comparing a musician like Taylor Swift - a celebrity dating, female pop-country starlet who rose to immense fame by writing songs about boys, losing boys, falling in love with boys and thinking about boys, and whose albums have consistently reached the top of the US charts to Morrissey; the asexual(?) heterosexual(?), bisexual(?), homosexual(?), celibate, pale, pompadoured former lead singer of the Smiths, whose work has been labeled as some of the most influential in all of popular culture but who never had an album reach higher than #55 on the US Billboard charts - seems completely and utterly moronic. But actually in practice it turns out that it's much, much worse. In fact it's so bad that it needs its own list of things that it is, in fact, worse than.

Things that this quote is worse than:
Hitler
9/11
Osama Bin Laden
Socialism
Kurt Cobain being named the 12th greatest guitarist of all time by Rolling Stone
George Bush's grasp of the English Language
Paul Krugman's grasp of economic theory
Pitchfork's genuine disregard and contempt for music and humanity in general
The Devil
Larry the Cable Guy's stand-up
Tyler Perry
The Show Lil'Bush
Ja'Rule
Limp Bizkit's cover of "Behind Blue Eyes"
L33t speak
People who tailgate
The fact that the sun will explode in 5 billion years destroying the entire solar system
The Crusades
Romantic comedies starring Sandra Bullock
Seeing your parents naked
Aids
Tucker Max's views towards women
MTV's Director of Programming
The slow and inevitable aging process that is slowly destroying your body and leaving you old, wrinkly, and impotent
Waterboarding

The quote is so offensive that the only explanation is that Rob Sheffield has never heard a song by Morrissey or the Smiths. This would make sense as neither of those is the Arcade Fire or Lil Wayne.

To paraphrase Wayne Campbell, "If Rob Sheffield was an ice cream flavor he'd be pralines and total sell-out in order to capitalize on Taylor Swift's burgeoning popularity."

E! Continues to Make Viewers Long For the End of Western Civilization

Meet the family!... From Hell!

E! Entertainment channel, the same channel that brought America Keeping up the Kardashians and Kendra now gives America the 3rd and final sign of the apocalypse, Pretty Wild.

The show is a mix of things of scripted lines "a la the Hills," interspersed with the daily lives of a family so useless they get kicked out of their neighborhood in the second episode.

The family is led by former lingerie model Andrea Arlington. If the fact that she whores her barely-legal children out to modeling agencies isn't bad enough, she also home-schools her family with a curriculum based upon the multi-million selling piece of crap "The Secret." A book so lame that it could only be popular in Hollywood. It even makes Scientology seem like a rational well-thought out belief system.

Instead of learning things like, addition, spelling, history, or economics, her children get to make posters about "what things they admire about Angelina Jolie," (The answers: "her boobs, her body.") Speaking of her children, because they were raised by unfit parents, Tess Taylor and Alexis and Gabby Neiers all act like petulant spoiled bitches, which isn't surprising because that is exactly what they are. In the first episode Alexis is arrested for possibly being part of the "bling ring" -- a group of Hollywood teens who like to steal from celebrities. Tess is currently a Playboy Cyber-Girl, this inexplicably has not been mentioned in the show, which is odd since E! spent the last 5 years pimping out Hugh Hefner and his brothel of prostitutes. The third daughter, Gabby isn't quite legal yet, but one can only imagine that she will soon be embroiled in a sexting scandal.

Watching this show almost makes you long for America governed by Sharia, or at very least the end of Western Civilization. Hopefully no one will show it Osama Bin-Laden, he doesn't need anymore reasons to hate America.

Unfortunately this show is so utterly exploitative that it will probably be a huge hit for the network. Millions of impressionable and stupid teenage girls will lap it up and America will fall further and further behind Japan in education, thus accelerating our fall from world-power to a third-world nation. Pretty Wild, the one show in existence that can make America long for the civility and wit of Sunset Tan.

Movie Exclusive: John Steigerwald to Star in "Anchorman 2: Ultimate Sports Guy"

In a Triple Threat Media exclusive, we have obtained the trailer for the upcoming movie "Anchorman 2: Ultimate Sports Guy." The new movie, set in Pittsburgh in 1981, stars Pittsburgh sports media stalwart John Steigerwald as the title character.

Also starring Will Farrell and Paul Rudd, the movie is a spin off of the first Anchorman. Will Farrell, as Ron Burgundy gets fired from his network job and ends up taking the only job he can get, as a station manager for WTAE in Pittsburgh. Languishing in third place in the local ratings, Ron tries to use his TV savvy to boost the ratings. But when all else fails he finds a young beat reporter named John Steigerwald and realizes that he holds the key to zapping the competition!

The exclusive trailer shows John Steigerwald undertaking a variety of wacky sports roles in Ron's advertisement for the new "Ultimate Sports Guy" on WTAE.



The movie is slated to arrive in theaters in May 2011.

Obama to ESPN: "I Will Trade the Healthcare Bill for a Re-do on my Bracket"

On Sunday, President Barack Obama scored the first major political victory of his young campaign. The Democratic controlled Congress was finally able to secure enough votes to ram home Obama's pet health care bill over the objections of Republicans.

However all was not well with Obama as Saturday handed him his greatest defeat. Kansas, who he had picked to win the entire NCAA tournament, was stunned by Northern Iowa 69-67 in the 2nd round.

Although he was bolstered by his health care victory, anonymous White House staff members told us that his mood has been sour all weekend, even with the passage of the bill. "He's just been moping around all weekend eating potato chips, he didn't even watch Sunday's games, he just locked himself in the Lincoln room. We had to get Pelosi to come in and bust the doors down so we could tell him about his health-care win."

On Monday President elect Barack Obama told ESPN reporters that he would "absolutely trade the health care bill for a re-do on my bracket, no questions asked."

Obama, who like many of the experts picked Kansas to win it all, now faces considerably longer odds in winning his pool. Although Obama has grown accustomed to long odds throughout his political career, these may be his hardest battle yet. Barack's team, BARACKetbusters, currently sits 4th in the USGovRulz Basketball pool on Yahoo!. Currently ahead of him is Democratic Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi's BBALLbreakers, Socialist Bernie Sanders' MarxMadness, and former President George Bush's Howulikemenow. However, because Kansas was eliminated he has virtually no chance of gaining the 64 point lead he would need to acquire in order to beat any entrant that picked the championship game winner. Barring a miracle from a Cinderella team like Cornell winning it all, he will not be victorious.

Reports from the Republicans say that they are seriously considering accepting Barack's offer, and a deal could come as soon as Wednesday. Obama has stated that they have until the sweet 16 begins on Thursday.

Media Cage Match: Steigerwald vs. Madden

Let's get ready to rumble!

It's the mustache vs. the super genius. Steigerwald vs. Madden: two of the premier names in Pittsburgh sports talk squaring off in the city of bridges. It's the tangle in the golden triangle, the melee on the Mon, the tiff at Fort Pitt.

Madden in his blog on 105.9 the X, recently criticized John Steigerwald's (ed. note. yes he's my uncle) accusation that Big Ben may have been high on something during the night he was accused of sexual misconduct. Madden, bless his heart, was obviously concerned that Steigerwald may get into legal trouble over the supposed accusation and wrote that "[his] implication is reckless." Madden, who has been known to defend Roethlisberger to the ends of the earth, also criticized Steigerwald's retelling of a supposed incident where Ben blew off a Make-A-Wish kid, asking where the proof was. .

John Steigerwald, perhaps as an answer to Madden, proceeded to post multiple new blogs, detailing just how he came to learn of the Make-A-Wish Roethlisberger incident. Steigerwald, immediately came back swinging (although not actually calling Madden out by name, I think we can all infer on this one.)

"Ok. I’ve been called everything from a hack to a scumbag and I’ve been accused of accusing Ben Roethliesberger of being high on drugs the night he was accused of sexual assault. Anyone with a brain knows that’s not true and it’s not going to get any truer no matter how many times it’s posted here.

I merely pointed out to those who were pointing out that he didn’t appear to be drinking a lot that there are other ways of getting high. Only a moron would call that an accusation. There are actually people out there who think that I could be sued for making that observation."

If, "actually people out there who think that I could be sued for making that observation," isn't a shot at Mark Madden, I don't know what is.

To be fair to Madden, Ben hasn't been convicted of anything except having bad judgment, at least not yet. But the constant cheerleading for Ben is getting a little old. Can't we just agree that he's a great quarterback whose kind of a jerk off the field, and makes questionable decisions with women.

Madden has been all quiet on the Western PA blog front since Mondays salvo by Steigerwald, but needless to say one can only assume that Madden will get in his shots either on the air or in print.

Stay Tuned.

Rock and Roll Hall of Fame: "We'll Pretty Much Let Anyone in at this Point... Except Rush"

Tonight the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inducts the newest members into its hallowed Cleveland halls. Well, actually although the hall rests along the Cleveland waterfront, the awards ceremony was held in a city with a little more life: New York.

The esteemed rockers, like Brady Quinn, Derek Anderson and the rest of the country, want nothing to do with Cleveland.

This years inductees included the multi-decade spanning art/prog rock masters Genesis, Sweedish pop pioneers Abba, British invasion rockers the Hollies, Jamaican Reggae king Jimmy Cliff, Punk darlings the Stooges, David Geffen, Barry Man, Cynthia Weil, Otis Blackwell, Mort Shuman, Larry David, everyone who was at the Beatles' Ed Sullivan performance, 4 out of the 5 roadies who toured with Led Zeppelin on their 1979 American tour, Kyle Stevens, who wrote a 2 page review of a Deep Purple show for his college newspaper and Brenda Waters who slept with 50% of the members of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young.

The induction ceremony opened with Hall of Fame president Joel Peresman announcing that

"We'll pretty much let anyone in the hall at this point... as long as its not Rush. We've been scouring the depths and dregs of rock and roll to find even the least deserving bands and artists, as long as their not associated with Rush, they can just walk right in and we'll give 'em entry. We can't wait until 2022 when we can start letting in bands like the Backstreet Boys and Britney Spears, but until then we will continue picking all the not-Rush eligible bands, regardless of their achievements in rock music."

Rush, who remain one of the most successful bands of all time, will have to theoretically wait another year to not get recognized. Rush frontman Geddy Lee told TTM that "It's just an honor to be nominated." It was then made known that they had never been nominated, to which Geddy replied, "well it would have been an honor to be nominated... if we had been."

Chuck Norris Turns 70 (In Human Years)

Chuck Norris is 70 today.

Although he is 70 in human years, Chuck has been directly in the prime of his life for the past 300 years as he actually controls the rotation of the earth around the sun and only ages when he feels like it.

For his 70th birthday Chuck will celebrate by running around the earth barefoot and then roundhouse kicking Kim Jong-Il in the face.

Although he has been out of the spotlight since he canceled his show, Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris has spent the last 15 years of his immortal life disguised as hockey players Gary Roberts and then Bill Guerin. After winning the Stanley Cup, and completing his work here on earth, Chuck has spent the last year roundhouse kicking demons in dimension-x. However, he decided to return to earth to celebrate his 70th human birthday with his bevy of supermodel girlfriends.

Oscars 2010: Sean Avery Shocks Academy With Surprise Best Actor Win

Pesky New York Rangers Forward Sean Avery has always been known more for his constant off and on the ice-antics than his actual hockey talents.

Sean Avery vs. Martin Broduer
Sean Avery vs. Elisha Cuthbert
Sean Avery vs. Fashion

Avery has been criticized, suspended and even gotten a rule change named for him. But had never been able to break out into the big time.

Until now.

On Monday the Academy of Arts and Science from awarding Mr. Avery an Oscar for Best Actor for his portrayal of Max Talbot in The Penguins vs. New York Rangers. Avery upset odds-on-favorite Jeff Bridges, who many had considered a lock for the award.

As you can see in the video above, Avery delivers a hilarious but touching performance that Puck Daddy's Greg Wyshinski described as "[a] particular brand of whimsy."

Avery, who previously won a Razzie for his portrayal of a hockey player in 2008's Dallas Stars NHL Regular Season, was unavailable for comment after the win as he earned an awards show misconduct after receiving the award for a blind side hit to the head on Dame Judi Dench.

Big Ben's Lawyer: Ben Has Enough Money He Can Buy His Way Out Of Anything

Super Steelers Quarterback Ben Roethlisberger is in trouble with the law. Again. A few months after being accused of sexual assault at a Lake Tahoe hotel. Big Ben is back in the news for another unrelated sexual assault, this time near Georgia College and State University.

Roethlisberger, who has an off-season home in the area, is a frequent visitor to the Milledgeville downtown area, a popular spot of college students in the area.

Unlike the last incident, in which the plaintiff never filed a police report and instead filed a civil suit against Roethlisberger, this time the accuser went straight to the police after the alleged incident. The unidentified woman was treated and released from Oconee Regional Medical Center Thursday night.

Ryan Tollner, Big Ben's lawyer issued a statement soon after the incident took place.

"With Ben's 108 million dollar contract in 2008, he officially became rich enough to buy his way out of anything. He can do whatever he wants. He's just going to give me some money and he'll walk. This allegation will just be thrown out like the last one. Finally Big Ben is above the law."

Some media commentators have been surprised by the hubris of Mr. Tollner in his statement. However, they too have had to admit that if you're that rich play football in the NFL you truly are untouchable. Triple Threat Media talked to an anonymous Pittsburgh sports columnist about the arrest.

"O.J. Simpson, Big Ben,Warren Sapp, there's basically an NFL player or ex-player getting arrested daily. The chances of Ben doing time are between zero and none percent."

Big Ben is expected to be back in Pittsburgh as soon as the police drop the charges and apologize.

Matt Cooke Gets 2 Minutes for "Existing."

Evgeni Malkin's goal Jordan Staal's deflection off a shot by Evgeni Malkin in overtime capped the Penguins thrilling 55 shot, 5 to 4 comeback win over the New York Rangers Thursday night.

Although the game was dominated by the Penguins, the New York Rangers caught a break 9:58 into the 1st period when Matt Cooke was issued a penalty for, what the ref called "existing." After being cross checked, slashed and roughed with by Brandon Prust before a face-off, Cooke took inaction by not retaliating or fighting back. When the ref blew the whistle, it was assumed that the Penguins would get the resulting power play. However, Cooke and the penguins were caught off guard when the ref signaled Cooke to the penalty box.

A confused Bylsma asked for the call, to which the referee signaled a brand new penalty that had just been created for Matt Cooke; "existing."

Cooke served the two minute minor, and was able to avoid any more "existence" penalties the rest of the game.

Tiger Woods Finally Back in the Headlines

It's Tiger, Tiger Woods ya'll!

For all of you out there going through withdrawal from a lack of Eldrick "Tiger" Woods in the headlines. Don't worry, you're about to get what you can't live without. Tiger is back and he's all over the front page.

Yesterday, a new report from the Associated Press has revealed that Tiger Woods is home from sex rehab and once again getting into golf shape. Although there is no timetable for Tiger's return to the PGA, this latest report may add to the rumors that he will play in the Masters, April 8th-11th and thus bring balance (and viewers) back to the tour. To get into "golf shape" Tiger Woods will spend the next month drinking Pabst, eating chili-cheese hot dogs, making passes at 16 year old drink girls and smoking between "5 and 12 Cuban Cigars a day."

If that wasn't enough to get your Tiger fix, right on the heels of that story comes this poorly written little piece of comic gold. A self-penned written statement from Tiger Woods' college girlfriend, Irene Folstrom, claiming that he in fact is a great guy who never cheated on her. More specifically, and I quote,

"I’m not naive, but I can say with certainty that he was faithful during the time we dated... Well there was that one time when I found him naked with that cheerleader on the 16th green, but he explained to me that he was just teaching her how to putt. It was weird because they didn't have any clubs, and i noticed he wasn't wearing his lucky golf glove, but I trusted him then and I trust him now."

She goes on to chronicle how she and Tiger would illegally buy alcohol and talk about the future.

"Tiger would put the whiskey bottle to his lips and tell me 'bitch, I'm leavin' you for a white woman,' and I would have to talk him out of it, and then when he would sober up and say 'he wanted to make a larger contribution to society.' Looking back on that I just have to smile because obviously he didn't come through on any of those aspirations. His contributions to society have been to hawk useless products to lower income teens. I don't really know what he was talking about... unless he includes having sex with porn stars making a contribution to society."

Naturally Irene Folstrom is not trying to get rich or famous off of Tiger Woods. How can we be so sure? Because she specifically states it in the first paragraph of the story.

"Tiger Woods was my boyfriend for a year and a half while we were both undergraduates at Stanford. I've never spoken to the press about him; I'm not coming forward now for money or to advance any pathetic showbiz aspirations, but merely to stick up for a friend. I haven't seen Tiger since the late ’90s, but I know who he is at his core because we were together during some of his most formative years and I have ESPN so I was able to watch him over the past ten years, although not in person because he always ignored my phone calls."

Obviously someone so honest and trustworthy would have absolutely not ulterior motives to talk about Tiger Woods in such a good light. Although that 200k that was "placed" in her mailbox, by an "unknown" stranger probably didn't hurt.

Pittsburgh Sports Radio Welcomes Another Future Mark Madden Victim

Move over 1250 ESPN Radio, 970 Fox Sports Radio, 105.9 the X from 6-10am and again at 3-6pm and 102.5 DVE every hour on the half hour, there's a new station coming to the already bloated Pittsburgh sports centered radio dial.

93.7 aka "B94" aka K-Rock aka "The Zone" aka B94 again, has again changed its format and acquired the unique call sign of "the fan."  Abandoning its pop format 93.7 has instead embraced the single most important thing in Pittsburgh, sports talk from sunrise to sunset.

But Is there any room on the Pittsburgh radio dial for another station completely devoted to Pittsburgh sports talk? Is there room for anyone (both figuratively and literally) on the same format dominated by the sports juggernaut known as Mark Madden.

A sample listening of "The Fan" over the past few weeks has revealed absolutely nothing that wasn't already on the radio dial. Paul Alexander and Joe Starkey are more than capable hosts from 2-6, and are superior to 1250's awkward trio of Paulson, Logan and Crow, but they add very little to the conversation. The same opinions are the same opinions, regardless of whether they're on the FM dial or the AM dial.

Mark Madden's ever skyrocketing ratings are a result of going against the Pittsburgh sports radio status quo. He's not intimidated by the Steeler hype machine and he's not impressed by the "old guard" of Pittsburgh sports media. He doesn't worship the Steelers, he barely tolerates the Pirates, he's constantly right about the Penguins, he's mouthy, he doesn't tolerate stupidity, and he's always entertaining. Listeners may hate him, but yet they can't stop listening to his show. Ratings keep rising and Madden keeps getting the last laugh. Madden succeeds by having opinions that differ from the homogenized stew that is Yinzer sports talk.

So far "The Fan" fails to impress. As the new station in town it had better embroil itself in some controversy, anything to get people talking about the station. Madden dominates by weaving a beguiling mix of sports, sex and outrage. "The Fan" is predestined for failure. Pittsburgh can't support a new sports station, and its doubtful they will be able to take down 970am or 1250am as they have the backing of Fox Sports and ESPN respectively. The X has the biggest name in Pittsburgh sports plus the Penguin broadcasts. No offense to the station or hosts, but if anyone thinks that Ron Cook and Jim Colony is going to attract more than a few token listeners, you're in for a Mark Maddenesque surprise.

Joe Steigerwald Is On Hiatus

Joe Steigerwald is currently on hiatus as he works to get his insurance license. Needless to say "This Blog Goes to 11" will return after he passes in a severely neutered form. Our readers can expect all blogs to follow standard insurance formatting. This means all stories will be subject to thorough combing by lawyers in order to not slander or debase anyone. Everything will also be published in strict adherence to code 14.12 of the insurance standard guidebook, which states no colorful language or interesting wordplay.

Needless to say, to all 4 readers of the Rolling Scone and This Blog Goes to 11 will be extremely disappointed by the results as your lovable blog Lothario becomes part of the insurance bureaucracy.

Pittsburgh's KISS 96.1 Morning Show DJ's Joke Still Funny After 800 Times

"Ra-ra, ra-ra-ra, roma, ro-ma-ma, ga-ga, ohh la-la, I want your bad romance."

These are the lyrics to Lady Gaga's hit song, Bad Romance. When Lady Gaga sings them, they sound good, but when Kiss FM DJ Big Bob sings them in unison? Well that's just hilarious. In fact, it's so funny, that Big Bob has proceeded to sing the last 2 lines of the song in a humorous voice every time the song has been on between 6 and 10AM for the past 127 days. Because the song is on between 2 and 3 times an hour, Big Bob has made the same colorful attempt at humor over 800 times, an amazing number just in itself. But what is even more amazing is that the joke still holds the same appeal, the same hilarity as it did the first time Big Bob attempted it.

"I still sing along with the song because it's still funny when I do it. In fact, it's so funny I dont just sing at the end of Lady Gaga, I do it at the end of Miley Cyrus and the end of Ke$ha too," Big Bob told Rolling Scone in an exclusive interview. "It's akin to watching the 'Ouch Charlie' You Tube video over and over and over again, its funny the first time, but then it gets even funnier upon repeated viewings. Or like the Van Wilder movies, yes the first one was great, but are you really going to tell me that the original Van Wilder is better than Van Wilder: Freshman Year or Van Wilder: the Rise of Taj? Of course not! It's because they take the same jokes that they made in the original and just insert them in the new movies without any regard to plot or timing and then MAGIC, it's somehow even funnier the 5th, the 6th and even yes the 800th time."

Big Bob stated that he will not stop doing it until the joke loses its magic. "Maybe after its 30,000th time, you know that's what's so crazy about comedy. You can't really tell what will be funny and for how long, seriously,  I'm still laughing at that Star Wars Kid from You Tube. and I don't know anyone who doesn't think that's still hilarious. But I have lightning in a bottle here, I can't just give it up while the joke is still fresh. As soon as it's no longer hilarious, I'll stop."

Rolling Scone Presents... Something from the Archive!

The following is a paid announcement furnished by the Iraqi Musicians Council, all views expressed are those of it's parent company and not of Rollingscone. Death To America along with We Raq U productions presents... SADAAM HUSSEIN:   All my greatest... and death to America HIS GREATEST HITS Tired of hearing music from the infidel country of America? Tired of unveiled women showing their bare arms and legs? Tired of dirty infidels being blasphemous to the great Allah? Then do we have an album for you! Death to America and We Raq U productions present Sadaam Hussein's Greatest Hits, featuring 10 Iraqi #1's like: Death To the Country of Infidel Dogs, Death To America, America Must Die, One Nation under My Secret Police, Buy This Song Or Be Whipped Like A Camel In Front Of Your Family, We Will Iraq You (America Will Die), Death to America Pt. 2, Gimme Gimme Gimme (All your Daughters), Death to America Pt. 3 and George Bush Is A Dirty Curr Who Can Suck It. This is Sadaam in all his magnificent glory, using the latest Iraqi breakthroughs in mono sound, it's like he's singing just to you! Sadaam is backed once again by - Yes that's right, we tracked them down, beat them, killed their families and brought them back to Iraq - the Death to America 4. As a special bonus we've recorded them playing live at the 3rd annual, Sadaam Hussein Commands You To Attend This Festival, Festival in Baghdad, playing their #1 Rock songs like: Rock and Roll Is A Creation of the Infidels, Anyone Caught Listening to Rock and Roll Will Be Stoned and Keep on Rocking In The Free World (However You Are Not In the Free World So You Will Not Rock or Roll). This is Sadaam at his America hating best, all hate, all the time! We also include favorites like: I Am Building An Illegal Weapons Program And You Probably Won't Be Able To Find It, Allah is OK But I am Better, Death To America Pt. 4 - 15 (a 2003 Overture), Bombs Over Washington D.C., George Bush Will Be Eternally Tortured In The Pits of Hell and Will Never Get 200 Virgins When He Dies and his first foray into Rap, Baghdad Love. You will never find a more complete collection from Iraq's #1 selling artist of all time! Order now and we promise not to burn your hut to the ground! (Offer void in Iraq). Sadaam's Greatest Hits Collection 24 cows for the CD or 18 for Tape or Eight Track Rush delivery Available 103 Sadaam Lane Baghdad, Iraq 14330 Rush delivery available, Sorry No C.O.D's

Soundgarden Reunion Sure to Dissapoint New, Alienate Old Fans

Yes, it's true. Soundgarden, one of the first and most venerable of the Seattle Grunge rock groups has gotten back together. The band, which consists of Chris Cornell, Kim Thayil, Ben Shepherd and Matt Cameron all attended a Pearl Jam show in Los Angeles and after Cornell briefly reuinted supergroup Temple of the Dog on stage, the four began talking about a full-fledged reunion.

On January 1st, a twitter message from front man Chris Cornell trumpeted the return of the band, which had split in 1997 after the release of the critically mixed Down on the Upside. Soon after Cornell's announcement a new website, Soundgardenworld appeared stating that "the 12 year break is over and school is back in session," and trumpeting that "the knights of the soundtable ride again!"

Unfortunately, as Alice in Chains, the Who, Kiss, Smashing Pumpkins and every other band that ever broke up and got back together and then released an album proved, the new Soundgarden is sure to disappoint everyone, whether it be grizzled grunge veteran, dusty classic rocker or young punk looking for something beyond the latest Breaking Benjamin release.

Although Soundgarden has the added benefit of having all of its original members. The fact that they are well past their twenties means that they are completely out of ideas and that their rock music will be doddering, out of date, and "good, but only comapred to Breaking Benjamin."

Countless fans have flooded online message boards with posts like:

"I can't believe they finally got back together!!!!! Too bad Cornell lost most of his pipes singing with Audioslave. I thought Kim Thayil was dead!"

"I can't wait to be moderately dissapointed by their undoubtably forthcoming album of brand new material!!!! It's gonna rock!!! But only cuz rock sucks now!! But it will be better than Breaking Benjamin1!!!"

"I bet the reunion tour will be moderately successful, sell at about 75% of capacity, but disappoint longtime fans while simultaneously not win any new ones!"

"At least they're not Breaking Benjamin!"


The band's whereabouts are currently unknown, but many suspect that they are already hard at work with their awkward comeback disc. Fans can't wait for the new disc to sell well below expectations and Billboard is already gearing up for it's new article explaining where the band went wrong with their new album and single, which will only hit #11 on the Modern Rock charts .

Rolling Stone Stresses Fairness, Balance, Debate, Conversation in New Issue

Rolling Stone, one of the few bastions of integrity and fairness in the print world, has chosen to profile global warming and the environment in its latest issue. But instead of pointing fingers and name calling, Rolling Stone, as it does in all its features, promises a balanced panel of experts from both sides to debate this hot button issue. One which weighs as heavy as the mountains of snow that have fallen during this brutally cold global winter.

Global Warming. These two words have been weighing heavily on the minds of all Americans for years. Two years to be exact, since the non-profit Pew Foundation only started including it in its poll questions in 2007. In 2009's poll of America's concerns, global warming was listed as a "top priority" by a whopping 30% of respondents. In fact, global warming weighed so heavily on the minds of voters that it finished only behind the economy, jobs, terrorism,social security, education, energy, medicare, health care, deficit reduction, health insurance, helping the poor, crime, moral decline, military, tax cuts, environment, immigration, lobbyists, trade policy and Lady Gaga's penis.

Rolling Stone, seizing on the huge popularity of global warming, features two separate articles on the subject. The first is a massive overview of global warming named "As the World Burns." While at first glance this would seem like a rather inflammatory title that makes it sound like Rolling Stone is taking sides on the issue. However, the title is obviously just pointing out how incredibly hot the debate is right now. Because no one at Rolling Stone has any actual scientific background and since "As the World Burns" author Jeff Goodell has no real authority other than his opinion, Rolling Stone would never make such a claim for, or against Global Warming. Article author Jeff Goodell uses clear, calm, evenhanded language throughout and never whines, delves into histrionics, or write in an obviously out of character hip writing style in order to appeal to a certain demographic.

The second feature in the newest Rolling Stone is entitled "The Climate Killers." Another seemingly polarizing title, however Rolling Stone has made sure to let its subscribers know that this is actually a typo. The actual title of the piece was "The Climate Killers?"  The feature, written by noted editor and opinion writer Tim Dickinson. But don't worry, no opinions are inserted into this piece. In an effort to maintain neutrality for the article, both Democrats and Republicans are profiled in its list of 17 Climate Killers? Neither side is given any more or less time on any given subject, and the article makes no claim that global warming will destroy all of civilization unless carbon emissions are cut 75% in 10 years.

This type of balanced, civil debate is exactly what is needed for this "hot button" issue and leave it to Rolling Stone to make sure all the sides are heard. The new Rolling Stone is available on news stands now.

The 12 Worst Things To Happen to Music This Decade

Because of the demand for arbitrary lists at the end of the year, The Rolling Scone Blog has given in to blog pressure and prepared a list of the 12 lamest things to happen to music in the past decade.

In no real order...

12.) Self-Aggrandizing Music Blogs
One of the worst developments of the past decade is the proliferation of music blogs on the internet. Now everyone with a 56k modem and an Ipod is a "music expert," mucking up the internet with their opinions and insights, forgetting of course that literally, no one cares. Fortunately most of them die off quickly, as their creators eventually figure out that 6 of the 8 people that visit their sites each day are in fact themselves, checking on their own site meters.

11.) Popular Country Music
The homogenized, sterile world in which country music operates is a world much like the one that exists on the Disney Channel. There is no swearing, no overt sexuality, everyone looks really pretty, and no one ever has a problem that can't be solved by singing about tractors or trucks. Country music has its own magazines, its own award shows, its own producers. There is little interaction between the worlds of rock and country and the results are bland, uninspired music made by talented session musicians.

10.) Awards Shows
Quick! Name the last 4 winners of the coveted Grammy for Artist of the Year. No, the answer isn't U2, U2, U2, U2. Or is it? No one knows, that's the problem, and no one cares. There are plenty of other music awards shows to ignore, like The People's Choice Awards, the MTV Music Video Awards, The Billboard Awards. The only person who seems to care about these awards is Kanye West, who makes it a yearly event to bitch about being snubbed from something. The solution to this problem is to completely ignore it until it goes away.

9.) Pitchfork Becomes Important:
There are so many things wrong with Pitchfork that it's hard to chose just nine, much less only one. Pitchfork's ascension to the top of the indie taste making charts is based primarily on the fact that they are, in fact, assholes. Like an insolent 11 year old, Pitchfork has made its living by needlessly insulting the work of others, unless those "others" happen to make music that no one really wants to listen to. Pitchfork is equivalent to that annoying high school friend who only listened to bands that no one has ever heard of, thus insuring that they could scoff at anyone "still listening to Coheed and Cambria. By basically ignoring 95% of popular music, Pitchfork gives off the impression that they are cool, thus inspiring millions of gullible kids in tight jeans to mindlessly cling to their elitist opinions.

8.) The Continued Death of Rock N Roll
Rock may still be alive in neutered form, that is if you can call Trapt, Breaking Benjamin, and Three Days Grace "rock," but rock n roll has been dead since at last 1992. Guns N' Roses may still be around, but even them, rock n roll's last bastion of hope, now, sadly, sucks. Bands like Coheed and Cambria, Queens of the Stone Age, White Stripes, Ash, My Chemical Romance and the Foo Fighters continue to rock in various forms, but the bluesy take no prisoners rock n roll attitude of Zeppelin, GNR and AC/DC is long since gone.

7.) The Rise of Indie Rock
Indie rock, which towards the end of the decade finally supplanted emo as the "rock" genre of choice, is a way to inclusive genre that includes virtually every band in the world. The biggest problem with indie rock is that it just doesn't rock. There are plenty of good indie bands in the world, but as the leading flag bearer of the rock movement, they are woefully unprepared. The charts are completely dominated by rap and R&B leaving almost no space for rock. Indie rock, whose biggest bands are based almost exclusively on hype generated by Pitchfork and Rolling Stone, just can't drum up more than cursory interest.

6.) Rolling Stone's Lists
Jack White being #11 on Rolling Stone's top 100 guitarists. Edward Van Halen, who basically invented modern guitar playing is tucked up in the 70's. A blatant disregard for anything from the 70's and 80's has  
become Rolling Stone's MO. Metal doesn't even exist in the world of Rolling Stone, and that is painfully obvious by looking at their exclusive lists.

5.) Rolling Stone: The Magazine
This is the same magazine who gave Black Sabbath's Paranoid 1 star and trashed Led Zeppelin's early work. Their continued existence is one of the biggest mysteries of the music world. They continually miss the boat on new trends whilst suckling the teat of the old guard, passing out 5-star reviews to U2 and Mick Jagger's vastly uninspired work.


4.) All Music Sucks
Obviously all music doesn't suck. But really, music sucks these days. Lady Gaga is probably the most interesting artist of the past year. Radiohead now sucks. Outkast doesn't even exist in any real form. Coheed's last album was a disappointment. Ash isn't releasing any new albums and Stevie Ray Vaughn is still dead. Nickelback remains a viable musical entity. Creed reunited. Ke$ha has the #1 song in the world. Prince is a Mormon. The list could go on and on... but it won't.


3.) Led Zeppelin Reunited
Obviously this isn't a bad thing, in fact if that was the whole story it would be the greatest thing to happen to music since the electric guitar. Unfortunately the rest of the caption should read: Led Zeppelin Reunited... For One Show. God forbid they should embark on a world tour and let all their hundreds of millions of fans a chance to see them.


2.) Rolling Scone Remains Undiscovered
Somehow, despite the constant evidence to the contrary, Rolling Scone isn't the most popular blog on the internet. Despite millions and millions of incredible articles and opinions, our work remains as un-viewed as a Whoopi Goldberg porno. If there was a God then Pitchfork would be struck down and everyone would love Rolling Scone instead. Unfortunately that means that there is no God. Sorry to break the news.

1.) The Death of a Bunch of Good Musicians
Michael Jackson, Layne Staley, George Harrison, Rick James... just to name a few of the people that died. Although most of them were well past their musical primes and thus virtually useless, its still sad. Unless you hated their bands, or looked down on child molestation. Then it was a pretty good decade for everyone, except for fans of music.

Failed Terrorist Wants To Release EP

Umar Farouk Abdul Mutallab, the 23-year-old Nigerian who attempted to detonate an explosive on Christmas Day on a flight from Amsterdam to Detroit, plans to use his newfound fame to release a solo EP, sources say. Mutallab, who has been charged with attempting to blow up a U.S. passenger plane, is being held at the Federal Correctional Institution in Milan, Michigan.

"Mutallab has spent his time in his cell singing songs in Arabic. Although I didn't recognize all of them, one of the guards told me it was the tune of Lady Gaga's 'Bad Romance,' and I think I recall another to the tune was Beyonce's 'Single Ladies.' He even had some of the dance moves!" says a source from within the facility. The source reports that after these random outbursts of music, Mutallab shouts in English about how he writes musical parodies of American pop songs, re-writing them in Arabic to praise Al-Qaeda, the Taliban, and other political organizations he is associated with, and that this is going to reach moderate, Arabic-speaking youths who are entranced by Western culture and values.

"He's hoping that the media circus surrounding his trial will somehow allow him to record a few of his songs to spread Islamic extremism by using the culture it seeks to destroy," another source has speculated.

Although Al-Qaeda has claimed responsibility for his terrorist actions, they do not support his musical pursuits. According to a spokesman for Al-Qaeda, in a video released to Al-Jazeera, "Mutallab's bravery and sense of duty are to be commended, but this guy wants to be a singer? The only reason this guy is a celebrity is because he set his underwear on fire. Even Snooki's injuries were more severe than that."