E! Continues to Make Viewers Long For the End of Western Civilization

Meet the family!... From Hell!

E! Entertainment channel, the same channel that brought America Keeping up the Kardashians and Kendra now gives America the 3rd and final sign of the apocalypse, Pretty Wild.

The show is a mix of things of scripted lines "a la the Hills," interspersed with the daily lives of a family so useless they get kicked out of their neighborhood in the second episode.

The family is led by former lingerie model Andrea Arlington. If the fact that she whores her barely-legal children out to modeling agencies isn't bad enough, she also home-schools her family with a curriculum based upon the multi-million selling piece of crap "The Secret." A book so lame that it could only be popular in Hollywood. It even makes Scientology seem like a rational well-thought out belief system.

Instead of learning things like, addition, spelling, history, or economics, her children get to make posters about "what things they admire about Angelina Jolie," (The answers: "her boobs, her body.") Speaking of her children, because they were raised by unfit parents, Tess Taylor and Alexis and Gabby Neiers all act like petulant spoiled bitches, which isn't surprising because that is exactly what they are. In the first episode Alexis is arrested for possibly being part of the "bling ring" -- a group of Hollywood teens who like to steal from celebrities. Tess is currently a Playboy Cyber-Girl, this inexplicably has not been mentioned in the show, which is odd since E! spent the last 5 years pimping out Hugh Hefner and his brothel of prostitutes. The third daughter, Gabby isn't quite legal yet, but one can only imagine that she will soon be embroiled in a sexting scandal.

Watching this show almost makes you long for America governed by Sharia, or at very least the end of Western Civilization. Hopefully no one will show it Osama Bin-Laden, he doesn't need anymore reasons to hate America.

Unfortunately this show is so utterly exploitative that it will probably be a huge hit for the network. Millions of impressionable and stupid teenage girls will lap it up and America will fall further and further behind Japan in education, thus accelerating our fall from world-power to a third-world nation. Pretty Wild, the one show in existence that can make America long for the civility and wit of Sunset Tan.

Movie Exclusive: John Steigerwald to Star in "Anchorman 2: Ultimate Sports Guy"

In a Triple Threat Media exclusive, we have obtained the trailer for the upcoming movie "Anchorman 2: Ultimate Sports Guy." The new movie, set in Pittsburgh in 1981, stars Pittsburgh sports media stalwart John Steigerwald as the title character.

Also starring Will Farrell and Paul Rudd, the movie is a spin off of the first Anchorman. Will Farrell, as Ron Burgundy gets fired from his network job and ends up taking the only job he can get, as a station manager for WTAE in Pittsburgh. Languishing in third place in the local ratings, Ron tries to use his TV savvy to boost the ratings. But when all else fails he finds a young beat reporter named John Steigerwald and realizes that he holds the key to zapping the competition!

The exclusive trailer shows John Steigerwald undertaking a variety of wacky sports roles in Ron's advertisement for the new "Ultimate Sports Guy" on WTAE.



The movie is slated to arrive in theaters in May 2011.

Obama to ESPN: "I Will Trade the Healthcare Bill for a Re-do on my Bracket"

On Sunday, President Barack Obama scored the first major political victory of his young campaign. The Democratic controlled Congress was finally able to secure enough votes to ram home Obama's pet health care bill over the objections of Republicans.

However all was not well with Obama as Saturday handed him his greatest defeat. Kansas, who he had picked to win the entire NCAA tournament, was stunned by Northern Iowa 69-67 in the 2nd round.

Although he was bolstered by his health care victory, anonymous White House staff members told us that his mood has been sour all weekend, even with the passage of the bill. "He's just been moping around all weekend eating potato chips, he didn't even watch Sunday's games, he just locked himself in the Lincoln room. We had to get Pelosi to come in and bust the doors down so we could tell him about his health-care win."

On Monday President elect Barack Obama told ESPN reporters that he would "absolutely trade the health care bill for a re-do on my bracket, no questions asked."

Obama, who like many of the experts picked Kansas to win it all, now faces considerably longer odds in winning his pool. Although Obama has grown accustomed to long odds throughout his political career, these may be his hardest battle yet. Barack's team, BARACKetbusters, currently sits 4th in the USGovRulz Basketball pool on Yahoo!. Currently ahead of him is Democratic Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi's BBALLbreakers, Socialist Bernie Sanders' MarxMadness, and former President George Bush's Howulikemenow. However, because Kansas was eliminated he has virtually no chance of gaining the 64 point lead he would need to acquire in order to beat any entrant that picked the championship game winner. Barring a miracle from a Cinderella team like Cornell winning it all, he will not be victorious.

Reports from the Republicans say that they are seriously considering accepting Barack's offer, and a deal could come as soon as Wednesday. Obama has stated that they have until the sweet 16 begins on Thursday.

Media Cage Match: Steigerwald vs. Madden

Let's get ready to rumble!

It's the mustache vs. the super genius. Steigerwald vs. Madden: two of the premier names in Pittsburgh sports talk squaring off in the city of bridges. It's the tangle in the golden triangle, the melee on the Mon, the tiff at Fort Pitt.

Madden in his blog on 105.9 the X, recently criticized John Steigerwald's (ed. note. yes he's my uncle) accusation that Big Ben may have been high on something during the night he was accused of sexual misconduct. Madden, bless his heart, was obviously concerned that Steigerwald may get into legal trouble over the supposed accusation and wrote that "[his] implication is reckless." Madden, who has been known to defend Roethlisberger to the ends of the earth, also criticized Steigerwald's retelling of a supposed incident where Ben blew off a Make-A-Wish kid, asking where the proof was. .

John Steigerwald, perhaps as an answer to Madden, proceeded to post multiple new blogs, detailing just how he came to learn of the Make-A-Wish Roethlisberger incident. Steigerwald, immediately came back swinging (although not actually calling Madden out by name, I think we can all infer on this one.)

"Ok. I’ve been called everything from a hack to a scumbag and I’ve been accused of accusing Ben Roethliesberger of being high on drugs the night he was accused of sexual assault. Anyone with a brain knows that’s not true and it’s not going to get any truer no matter how many times it’s posted here.

I merely pointed out to those who were pointing out that he didn’t appear to be drinking a lot that there are other ways of getting high. Only a moron would call that an accusation. There are actually people out there who think that I could be sued for making that observation."

If, "actually people out there who think that I could be sued for making that observation," isn't a shot at Mark Madden, I don't know what is.

To be fair to Madden, Ben hasn't been convicted of anything except having bad judgment, at least not yet. But the constant cheerleading for Ben is getting a little old. Can't we just agree that he's a great quarterback whose kind of a jerk off the field, and makes questionable decisions with women.

Madden has been all quiet on the Western PA blog front since Mondays salvo by Steigerwald, but needless to say one can only assume that Madden will get in his shots either on the air or in print.

Stay Tuned.

Rock and Roll Hall of Fame: "We'll Pretty Much Let Anyone in at this Point... Except Rush"

Tonight the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inducts the newest members into its hallowed Cleveland halls. Well, actually although the hall rests along the Cleveland waterfront, the awards ceremony was held in a city with a little more life: New York.

The esteemed rockers, like Brady Quinn, Derek Anderson and the rest of the country, want nothing to do with Cleveland.

This years inductees included the multi-decade spanning art/prog rock masters Genesis, Sweedish pop pioneers Abba, British invasion rockers the Hollies, Jamaican Reggae king Jimmy Cliff, Punk darlings the Stooges, David Geffen, Barry Man, Cynthia Weil, Otis Blackwell, Mort Shuman, Larry David, everyone who was at the Beatles' Ed Sullivan performance, 4 out of the 5 roadies who toured with Led Zeppelin on their 1979 American tour, Kyle Stevens, who wrote a 2 page review of a Deep Purple show for his college newspaper and Brenda Waters who slept with 50% of the members of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young.

The induction ceremony opened with Hall of Fame president Joel Peresman announcing that

"We'll pretty much let anyone in the hall at this point... as long as its not Rush. We've been scouring the depths and dregs of rock and roll to find even the least deserving bands and artists, as long as their not associated with Rush, they can just walk right in and we'll give 'em entry. We can't wait until 2022 when we can start letting in bands like the Backstreet Boys and Britney Spears, but until then we will continue picking all the not-Rush eligible bands, regardless of their achievements in rock music."

Rush, who remain one of the most successful bands of all time, will have to theoretically wait another year to not get recognized. Rush frontman Geddy Lee told TTM that "It's just an honor to be nominated." It was then made known that they had never been nominated, to which Geddy replied, "well it would have been an honor to be nominated... if we had been."

Chuck Norris Turns 70 (In Human Years)

Chuck Norris is 70 today.

Although he is 70 in human years, Chuck has been directly in the prime of his life for the past 300 years as he actually controls the rotation of the earth around the sun and only ages when he feels like it.

For his 70th birthday Chuck will celebrate by running around the earth barefoot and then roundhouse kicking Kim Jong-Il in the face.

Although he has been out of the spotlight since he canceled his show, Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris has spent the last 15 years of his immortal life disguised as hockey players Gary Roberts and then Bill Guerin. After winning the Stanley Cup, and completing his work here on earth, Chuck has spent the last year roundhouse kicking demons in dimension-x. However, he decided to return to earth to celebrate his 70th human birthday with his bevy of supermodel girlfriends.

Oscars 2010: Sean Avery Shocks Academy With Surprise Best Actor Win

Pesky New York Rangers Forward Sean Avery has always been known more for his constant off and on the ice-antics than his actual hockey talents.

Sean Avery vs. Martin Broduer
Sean Avery vs. Elisha Cuthbert
Sean Avery vs. Fashion

Avery has been criticized, suspended and even gotten a rule change named for him. But had never been able to break out into the big time.

Until now.

On Monday the Academy of Arts and Science from awarding Mr. Avery an Oscar for Best Actor for his portrayal of Max Talbot in The Penguins vs. New York Rangers. Avery upset odds-on-favorite Jeff Bridges, who many had considered a lock for the award.

As you can see in the video above, Avery delivers a hilarious but touching performance that Puck Daddy's Greg Wyshinski described as "[a] particular brand of whimsy."

Avery, who previously won a Razzie for his portrayal of a hockey player in 2008's Dallas Stars NHL Regular Season, was unavailable for comment after the win as he earned an awards show misconduct after receiving the award for a blind side hit to the head on Dame Judi Dench.

Big Ben's Lawyer: Ben Has Enough Money He Can Buy His Way Out Of Anything

Super Steelers Quarterback Ben Roethlisberger is in trouble with the law. Again. A few months after being accused of sexual assault at a Lake Tahoe hotel. Big Ben is back in the news for another unrelated sexual assault, this time near Georgia College and State University.

Roethlisberger, who has an off-season home in the area, is a frequent visitor to the Milledgeville downtown area, a popular spot of college students in the area.

Unlike the last incident, in which the plaintiff never filed a police report and instead filed a civil suit against Roethlisberger, this time the accuser went straight to the police after the alleged incident. The unidentified woman was treated and released from Oconee Regional Medical Center Thursday night.

Ryan Tollner, Big Ben's lawyer issued a statement soon after the incident took place.

"With Ben's 108 million dollar contract in 2008, he officially became rich enough to buy his way out of anything. He can do whatever he wants. He's just going to give me some money and he'll walk. This allegation will just be thrown out like the last one. Finally Big Ben is above the law."

Some media commentators have been surprised by the hubris of Mr. Tollner in his statement. However, they too have had to admit that if you're that rich play football in the NFL you truly are untouchable. Triple Threat Media talked to an anonymous Pittsburgh sports columnist about the arrest.

"O.J. Simpson, Big Ben,Warren Sapp, there's basically an NFL player or ex-player getting arrested daily. The chances of Ben doing time are between zero and none percent."

Big Ben is expected to be back in Pittsburgh as soon as the police drop the charges and apologize.

Matt Cooke Gets 2 Minutes for "Existing."

Evgeni Malkin's goal Jordan Staal's deflection off a shot by Evgeni Malkin in overtime capped the Penguins thrilling 55 shot, 5 to 4 comeback win over the New York Rangers Thursday night.

Although the game was dominated by the Penguins, the New York Rangers caught a break 9:58 into the 1st period when Matt Cooke was issued a penalty for, what the ref called "existing." After being cross checked, slashed and roughed with by Brandon Prust before a face-off, Cooke took inaction by not retaliating or fighting back. When the ref blew the whistle, it was assumed that the Penguins would get the resulting power play. However, Cooke and the penguins were caught off guard when the ref signaled Cooke to the penalty box.

A confused Bylsma asked for the call, to which the referee signaled a brand new penalty that had just been created for Matt Cooke; "existing."

Cooke served the two minute minor, and was able to avoid any more "existence" penalties the rest of the game.

Tiger Woods Finally Back in the Headlines

It's Tiger, Tiger Woods ya'll!

For all of you out there going through withdrawal from a lack of Eldrick "Tiger" Woods in the headlines. Don't worry, you're about to get what you can't live without. Tiger is back and he's all over the front page.

Yesterday, a new report from the Associated Press has revealed that Tiger Woods is home from sex rehab and once again getting into golf shape. Although there is no timetable for Tiger's return to the PGA, this latest report may add to the rumors that he will play in the Masters, April 8th-11th and thus bring balance (and viewers) back to the tour. To get into "golf shape" Tiger Woods will spend the next month drinking Pabst, eating chili-cheese hot dogs, making passes at 16 year old drink girls and smoking between "5 and 12 Cuban Cigars a day."

If that wasn't enough to get your Tiger fix, right on the heels of that story comes this poorly written little piece of comic gold. A self-penned written statement from Tiger Woods' college girlfriend, Irene Folstrom, claiming that he in fact is a great guy who never cheated on her. More specifically, and I quote,

"I’m not naive, but I can say with certainty that he was faithful during the time we dated... Well there was that one time when I found him naked with that cheerleader on the 16th green, but he explained to me that he was just teaching her how to putt. It was weird because they didn't have any clubs, and i noticed he wasn't wearing his lucky golf glove, but I trusted him then and I trust him now."

She goes on to chronicle how she and Tiger would illegally buy alcohol and talk about the future.

"Tiger would put the whiskey bottle to his lips and tell me 'bitch, I'm leavin' you for a white woman,' and I would have to talk him out of it, and then when he would sober up and say 'he wanted to make a larger contribution to society.' Looking back on that I just have to smile because obviously he didn't come through on any of those aspirations. His contributions to society have been to hawk useless products to lower income teens. I don't really know what he was talking about... unless he includes having sex with porn stars making a contribution to society."

Naturally Irene Folstrom is not trying to get rich or famous off of Tiger Woods. How can we be so sure? Because she specifically states it in the first paragraph of the story.

"Tiger Woods was my boyfriend for a year and a half while we were both undergraduates at Stanford. I've never spoken to the press about him; I'm not coming forward now for money or to advance any pathetic showbiz aspirations, but merely to stick up for a friend. I haven't seen Tiger since the late ’90s, but I know who he is at his core because we were together during some of his most formative years and I have ESPN so I was able to watch him over the past ten years, although not in person because he always ignored my phone calls."

Obviously someone so honest and trustworthy would have absolutely not ulterior motives to talk about Tiger Woods in such a good light. Although that 200k that was "placed" in her mailbox, by an "unknown" stranger probably didn't hurt.

Pittsburgh Sports Radio Welcomes Another Future Mark Madden Victim

Move over 1250 ESPN Radio, 970 Fox Sports Radio, 105.9 the X from 6-10am and again at 3-6pm and 102.5 DVE every hour on the half hour, there's a new station coming to the already bloated Pittsburgh sports centered radio dial.

93.7 aka "B94" aka K-Rock aka "The Zone" aka B94 again, has again changed its format and acquired the unique call sign of "the fan."  Abandoning its pop format 93.7 has instead embraced the single most important thing in Pittsburgh, sports talk from sunrise to sunset.

But Is there any room on the Pittsburgh radio dial for another station completely devoted to Pittsburgh sports talk? Is there room for anyone (both figuratively and literally) on the same format dominated by the sports juggernaut known as Mark Madden.

A sample listening of "The Fan" over the past few weeks has revealed absolutely nothing that wasn't already on the radio dial. Paul Alexander and Joe Starkey are more than capable hosts from 2-6, and are superior to 1250's awkward trio of Paulson, Logan and Crow, but they add very little to the conversation. The same opinions are the same opinions, regardless of whether they're on the FM dial or the AM dial.

Mark Madden's ever skyrocketing ratings are a result of going against the Pittsburgh sports radio status quo. He's not intimidated by the Steeler hype machine and he's not impressed by the "old guard" of Pittsburgh sports media. He doesn't worship the Steelers, he barely tolerates the Pirates, he's constantly right about the Penguins, he's mouthy, he doesn't tolerate stupidity, and he's always entertaining. Listeners may hate him, but yet they can't stop listening to his show. Ratings keep rising and Madden keeps getting the last laugh. Madden succeeds by having opinions that differ from the homogenized stew that is Yinzer sports talk.

So far "The Fan" fails to impress. As the new station in town it had better embroil itself in some controversy, anything to get people talking about the station. Madden dominates by weaving a beguiling mix of sports, sex and outrage. "The Fan" is predestined for failure. Pittsburgh can't support a new sports station, and its doubtful they will be able to take down 970am or 1250am as they have the backing of Fox Sports and ESPN respectively. The X has the biggest name in Pittsburgh sports plus the Penguin broadcasts. No offense to the station or hosts, but if anyone thinks that Ron Cook and Jim Colony is going to attract more than a few token listeners, you're in for a Mark Maddenesque surprise.