Today on the Scone: an in depth look at how Rolling Stone Magazine tabulates its album ratings.
Rolling Stone The Magazine, unlike many other music magazines doesn't rate albums based on the music, instead they factor in many different variables until they reach a final rating. All ratings start out at 2 stars and increase or decrease based on these important factors.
If the band has been featured on the cover of NME or Q magazine in Britain: +2 stars
If the band is about to be featured on the cover of Rolling Stone: +4 stars
If the band is too popular: -1 star
If the band will never sell more than 100,000 albums: +1 star
If the band is in the "alt-country" genre: +1.5 stars
If Jack White is in the band: +3 stars
If the band has more than 1 guitarist: -1 star
If the band features guitar solos: -1.5 stars
If the band features drum solos: -4 stars
If the band is Rush: -2 stars
If the band is young, hip and popular and can sell extra magazines if they get a good review but also won't hurt the indie rep of the magazine because they are guilty pleasures but in reality are a pretty terrible band: +2 stars
If the band can be labeled "metal" or "progressive": - 3 stars
Liberal politics in the forefront of said band's lyrics: +2 stars
Conservative politics even vaguely referenced: -5 stars
A new Eminem CD: automatic 4 star review
If your nickname is "the Boss": +5 stars
Spiritual lyrics: automatic 1 star review
If the band is influenced by southern rock (except lynyrd skynyrd): +2 stars
If the band is Led Zeppelin and the review was written before 1980: -4 stars
If the band is Led Zeppelin and the review is written in an obvious attempt to cover up the fact that the magazine hates Led Zeppelin and only is giving them a good review because they have to: automatic 5 star review
If the band is Black Sabbath and the review is written in the 70's by snarky college students who think Hot Tuna and the Grateful Dead are the best bands in the world: automatic 1 star review
If the band rocks: -2 stars
If the band doesn't rock: +1 star
If Pitchfork likes the band: +2.5 stars
Steve Perry is in the band: -1 star
4 comments:
Wow, you really do love Rollingstone. But what should the Scone do but mock the Stone? Also, highly accurate. A+
argument poorly constructed, anecdotal evidence, and scatterbrained structure. C-
how bout this for evidence, this piece was written before the new eminem CD came out... and guess what: 4 stars. It's like i have espn.
Hi, good post. I have been pondering this topic,so thanks for sharing. I’ll likely be coming back to your posts. Keep up the good work
You nicely summed up the issue. I would add that this doesn’t exactly concenplate often. xD Anyway, good post…
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