Green Day in Pittsburgh, July 22, 2009

Photographer: Not Joe Steigerwald

"Who wants to be saved?!" Billie Joe Armstrong screams at the 13,000 men, women and children packed into Pittsburgh's Mellon Arena, who are hanging onto every word of this rock'n'roll preacher's punk revival sermon. If there are any more entertaining front men in music, I'd like to see one. Billie Joe runs around the stage screaming, antagonizing, preaching his rock music to the faithful. He'd probably be more comfortable in a circus or southern gospel church, but instead his destiny lead him to an arena, with a guitar instead of a bible, and a whole lot of f-bombs instead of WWJD's.

It's hard to believe that Green Day, the same band who burst onto the nationwide music scene with an album called Dookie, would still be a relevant force in the music industry in 2009. In fact, other than Pearl Jam, and Foo Fighters, there are few early nineties bands that still make any semblance of rock music and also continue to be relevant (sorry Our Lady Peace and Offspring). Radiohead went off the deep end with their electronic garbage, Nirvana died, Soundgarden... dead. Rage Against the Machine... gone. Alice in Chains (sort of), Stone Temple Pilots... all dead... R.I.P, don't let the door of the rock music pantheon hit you on your way out of the collective mind of America.

Green Day, against all odds, and after years of skirting with breaking up/complete irrelevance, burst back onto the rock scene with American Idiot, and the impressionable youth of America lapped it up, catapulting it to the top of the charts and possibly saving rock music for at least a few more years. Perhaps more impressive they got their 9 minute opus, "Jesus of Suburbia", on alternative/rock radio, and people actually loved it. By creating a rock opera, they disenfranchised many of their old fans who wanted to hear them remake "Brain Stew" ad naseum. Fortunately, Green Day decided to get ambition and channel their inner Who, while also keeping their Clash and Rancid influences. Their new album 21st Century Breakdown, continues their Who-ish rock opera ways, while also adding what Rolling Stone magazine called "ballads that would be at home on an Air Supply album." Ignore them. The ballads "21 Guns", "Last Night on Earth" and "Restless Heart Syndrome" sound like they could be on a Who album (if they had better lyrics,) but they aren't that much different then say "Time of Your Life", except for of course Billy Joe's new penchant for falsetto. 21st Century Breakdown, at least in recorded form is just as strong as Idiot. While both are good, hearing them performed live, with the massive amount of energy emanating from Billie Joe and friends, is a real revelation.

Armstrong wisely leaves most of the guitar work to back up musicians so he can concentrate on rocking the eff out as long and hard as possible. It's a smart move. Not content just to rock out, Billie Joe also is a master of crowd relations, bringing adoring fans on stage to sing parts of "Jesus of Suburbia," "Basket Case" and "Longview." While the first half of the performance showcases songs from Idiot or Breakdown, all of which sound even better live, the middle of the set is all old school. "Brain Stew/Jaded," "Longview," "Basket Case," a song from their indie days, the crowd laps it up and sings along with every song. Unlike say Pearl Jam, who hates their past popularity and refuses to play "Jeremy," even though every fan in America would go crazy if they did. Green Day is completely content to end the set (and their third encore) with an acoustic, Billie Joe solo rendition of their most annoying hit, "Good Riddance/Time of Your Life." Amazingly it sounds new and fresh, just like all their other songs. Undoubtedly their new album has once again raised the ire of former fans who scream "sell-out!" But this being at least the fourth time they've sold out, (after they signed to a major label, after "Time of Your Life," after American Idiot, after Billie Joe changed his hairstyle... etc. etc.) they wear such accomplishments on their sleeves. Color me impressed.

A Brief History of the RollingScone, part deux.

A Brief History of the Scone, part 1.


The not as early, but still pretty early in the big picture days:

From 1723-1776 the Scone of London, as it was renamed following the murder of Lord Abernathy II, was no longer issued in any print format and simply lay fallow as merely an intellectual property. When Lord Abernathy was shanked by James Cromwell in the Dining Hall of London's Earls Court Debtors Prison, his last words were "Give the Scone to my Son Greg...," Which of course was amended to "Give the Scone to my sun, who warms all of England, the great and gregarious King George II." The Scone, whose value was appraised at 1/100,000th of a pence was then in 1745 given to the King's favorite whore, Lady Marmalade, as a tip after a particularly fulfilling night of sex and beatings. Lady Marmalade, then moved to France, taking the handkerchief the Scone's title was scribbled on to Paris.

In 1776, the Lady Marmalade of the Lebelle Whore House of Paris was visited by a particularly drunk Benjamin Franklin, who was in France at the time lobbying for French help against the British in the American Revolution. Franklin, had been a regular at the Lebelle Whore House since his first visit in 1767, paid for his usual 3 prostitutes, a bottle of courvoisier and 4 french maid outfits. However, upon payment, Lady Marmalade discovered she was out of change, and offered Franklin the title for the Scone Le Rolling in lieu of the 12 cents she owed. Franklin, who was already drunk off his ass, and a noted newspaper enthusiast agreed.

Franklin, awoke naked, save for a lone hankie, in the middle of a back alley in the French Whore district. Remembering nothing of the night before, he used the handkerchief to cover himself and set off back to America, bearing both French support for the American Independence movement, and much more historically important, the title for Scone Le Rolling.

Upon arriving in America, Franklin immediately put on hold his duties to the fledgling American Nation and instead began work on what he would later call his greatest accomplishment, resurrecting the RollingScone. Settling in Philadephia, Franklin assembled a crack team of local hot shot writers including music editor Albert Scott, reviewer Clem Washington, whorehouse correspondent Brian Braun and Jozef Staggerwood, who wrote the infamous "stupid things the British think are good but really are stupid" section. By Franklin's death in 1790 the Scone was already the 3rd most popular local music interest bi-weekly pamphlet, trailing only the Kazoo Times and Popular Slave Songs. From 1790-1800, the Scone grew into the most popular music gazette in Pennsylvania. In a completely unrelated matter, mysterious fires destroyed the offices of Kazoo Times, Popular Slave Songs, Lynchin' Music Monthly, Star Spangler, The Whipping Post, Free World Daily, EuroSymphonyXpress, Daily Mail, Pennsylvania Gazette, Times of London and Rolling Muffin.

In 1801, the entire staff of the Rolling Scone was convicted of 10 counts of arson and 34 counts of murder and hung in the most popular public execution in Pennsylvania history. Thus plunging the greatest musically based magazine in the history of the Western Hemisphere into a cliffhanger worthy of ...



Next Time on the Scone. Part III: Revenge of the Scone!

RIAA to Crack Down on Performance Enhancers

In an effort to save the floundering music industry, the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) has decided to crackdown on any performance enhancing technologies and to fine and suspend any musicians caught using enhancers like Pro Tools, Auto Tune and Talk Box. The RIAA issued its warning on Tuesday after a meeting between RIAA head Mitch Bainwol and members of the House of Representatives. Although any musicians previously found using these technologies will not be punished, any new songs or albums that feature any of these technologies will result in a 100,000 dollar fine for a first offense and up to two years in jail for a second. A third strike will result in said artist being blacklisted from ever recording in the United States. The RIAA will conduct random testings of all songs being recorded starting July 8th.

Many believe the RIAA has begun to crackdown because of slumping music sales across the industry. Fans have begun to grow tired of the constant use of performance enhancers across all genres. It is even believed that almost 50% of all musicians are now using Auto Tune in their recordings. In a survey test taken in 2003, 76% of all songs tested positive for Pro Tools.

Even stars like Kanye West have fallen under the microscope. West became the highest profile musician to test positive after he was discovered using Auto Tune on his 2008 album 808's and Heartbreak. Although he tested positive, under the old agreement he was not subject to any fines or suspension. Other stars suspected of using include Akon, Peter Frampton and Moby. The RIAA hopes that these regulations will once again even the music field and entice previously jaded music fans back to the stores.

Media: Unimpressive; Michael Jackson's Death Doesn't Live Up to Reputation

"Unimpressive." That was the word from CNN head honcho Ted Turner following the death of Michael Jackson yesterday. "Kind of disappointing," said Entertainment Tonight.

The US media has not been kind in their reviews of Michael Jackson's death. Ryan Seacrest was disappointed by the understated manner of Jackson's death. "Celebrities of this caliber usually go out in a much bigger way. Drug fueled suicides, being gunned down by stalkers or jealous lovers, a high speed chase or car crash, heart attacks while naked with small children... these are the kind of deaths that we expect from these types of world class celebrities. The King of Pop really didn't live up to his name this time. Slipping into a coma and dying? It's a little disappointing when you think of the possibilities."

Mixed Jackson death reviews came from the cables news world, as well. Joe Scarborough of MSNBC's "Morning Joe" took the optimist's route, saying its still early and that the autopsy could reveal really exotic drug use drug use or possibly even alien probing and that could really inject some spice into the whole thing. However, Anderson Cooper of CNN went negative, saying the timing of the death could have been better and noting that sweeps week had long since passed. He also fretted that all in all he expected something better, fireworks, jealous monkey lovers, a triple murder suicide, something that would befit the man who sold 26 million copies of Thriller. "At the very least I would expect some sparklers, some sequins and a crouch grab or too. Frankly I just dont feel satisfied, but I suppose Madonna or Bono could die at any minute... hopefully while doing coke off each other, naked, in a plane crash on their way to help starving children in Africa... that'd be huge ratings."

Just Announced: High School Musical 4!

In a RollingScone exclusive, we have uncovered details for the newest chapter in the High School Musical saga, entitled Freddy vs. High School Musical. In a bold move, the incredibly successful High School Musical franchise will go the same route as a the Freddie, Jason and Alien series and spin off into a vs. direction in an attempt to freshen the franchise. Although some may argue that the HSM series is still incredibly successful, this pro-active approach ensures the long term viability of the series.

Director Eli Roth had optioned the picture in 2008 shortly after High School Musical 3 hit theatres, from a script he wrote himself. The story featured Freddy hacking and slashing his way through the dreams of Troy, Gabriella and the rest of the HSM crew. However, Eli and Disney could not come to terms on budget and compensation so the production was halted while the movie was shopped around. In March of 2009, Sam Raimi, fresh off "Drag me to Hell," decided to pick up the movie, along with a revised script. The new script from the horror master spun around the Freddy formula into a scathing satire of the current tween culture. In the new script, it is Freddy who finds his dreams haunted by the cheerful PG-rated songs of Troy, Gabriella and Sharpay. Everywhere Freddy goes, from supermarkets to the mall, all he sees and hears are the spirited, inspirational song and dance of the most polite, least sexually active group of teenagers ever. Freddy, so distraught with the way of the world decides to go into his own dreams and kill himself, rather than face another day of being haunted by Zac Effron and Vanessa Hudgens.

In Freddy vs. HSM, Freddy Krueger will be played by Jackie Earle Haley, Freddy's dad will be played by former Freddy star Robert Englund. They will be joined by the entire HSM cast along with a special appearance by Richard Dreyfus as the cranky dean and Michael Clarke Duncan as the janitor. The movie is scheduled to be shot this fall and released in the fall of 2011.

Kenny Wanye Shepherd #1 Fan Discovered

Billy Joe Talbot is a 42 year-old grocery store clerk from Tulsa Oklahoma. He has been to two Kenny Wayne Shepherd concerts, bought a 15 dollar t-shirt from the last KWS tour and knows that Kenny Wayne Shepherd did not sing vocals on their biggest hit, Blue on Black. Because of this, Billy Joe Talbot was recently named the worlds #1 Kenny Wayne fan by Kenny himself.
"After years of searching, I was finally able to track down a fan so devoted that he had been to more than one of my concerts and who knew that I'm actually really the guitar player, not the singer of the band as everyone assumes." Kenny Wayne visited Billy Joe at the grocery store and gave him an official #1 plaque and his complete discology. Billy Joe had this to say to Rolling Scone after the announcement. "Yeah I like Kenny Wayne, he's probably in my top 100 favorite artists... Maybe, top 200. I think he's got a lot of talent, good guitar player, and I like that he's singing more on the new albums. I may even go to another Kenny Wayne concert in the next ten years or so... If he's ever really close by and the tickets are less than 30 bucks, otherwise I'll just buy some Skynyrd or Allman Brother tickets. I mean those bands are classic."

RollingScone's Top Stories of the Week!

Brett Michaels Hit by Falling Karma
Brett Michaels, precocious star of Rock of Love and former lead singer of Poison, was hit on the head by a falling piece of karma at the Tony Awards last week. The piece of stage was knocked loose by Brett's past transgressions which range from dating Pamela Anderson to having sex with multiple floozy's for three seasons of Rock of Love without any consequences. However during the Tony awards all his previous sins finally came to a head and the piece of stage struck him in the head and knocked him out.

The Society of Tight Pants and Chuck T's (STPCT) Removes Kings of Leon from Acceptable List; Issues Warning to Grizzly Bear
The Society of Tight Pants and Chuck T's, the secret organization which regulates what kind of music that today's indie and emo kid's can like, has officially removed Kings of Leon from its list of acceptable bands to like. the STPCT had issued a warning to Kings of Leon after Molly's Chambers was used on a car commercial. However, the King's latest album, "Because of the Times" with its singles Sex on Fire and Someone Like You have received far too much radio play for the band to remain acceptably cool. Indie kids are advised to denigrate the band by saying the songwriting is too poppy and by saying that the album is over produced. Calling the band "sell-outs" is also urged. The STPCT has also issued a warning to the band Grizzly Bear due to their album making the Billboard top 10.

Lady Gaga's "Poker Face" playing on New York Radio Stations 24/7 for the Past 3 Months
For the past three months, at every minute of every day, 24/7, Lady Gaga's super hit "Poker Face" has been on the radio on one of 12 New York Radio Stations. From the Spanish language Mega 97.9 to 107.5 WBLS urban contemporary, "Poker Face" was run on a continual loop. Additionally on June 1st at 12:23am, "Poker Face" could be found on 7 of the 12 NYC radio stations simultaneously. The run was finally broken on June 11th when "Poker Face" was completely absent from the radio for 25 seconds, until Fresh 102.7 played the song and started another 4 day cycle of continuous play.

Simon Cowell: America Still Not Ready for Interesting American Idol

Simon Cowell, noted producer and star of Fox's American Idol, has released a scathing attack on every single person living in America after the surprise loss by Adam Lambert in the finals. Upset by the surprising results, which came after he all but guaranteed a victory by the flashy interesting and now un-closeted Adam Lambert, Simon Cowell released this statement yesterday to Billy Bush and Entertainment Tonight.

"I see that Americans, the wankers that they are, have absolutely no taste in anything. All that bollocks about America no longer being bigoted is complete rubbish. Sure Obama got elected, but who the hell cares about the President and Democracy, we're talking about American Idol here, we're much more popular than President Muppet, always cocking-up things around the world. Well those barmy Americans go ahead and vote for some prat named Kris, cor blimey he spells it with a K! Kris with a K. I shoulda known these are the same wankers who voted for Reuben Studdard and Taylor Hicks. So we get this dodgy prick named Kris instead of the guy-lined Adam. I mean Christ, Brian May loved this chap, and I think he knows talent when he sees it. Americans can elect blacks, whites, Jews, girls, gays, straights, but those wankers still haven't learned how to elect a bloody interesting Idol yet. Here is my advice to you Americans who still can't figure out how to elect an idol with bollocks. You're dreadful. I hope you die, I hope your parents get divorced and you find out that you were actually born with both female and male genitals. You should just kill yourself, you're useless, you're ugly, you have a stupid laugh and you're probably going to gonorrhea and die before the age of 26."

Guitar Hero 5 Track List Exclusive!

The official track list of Harmonix's latest addition to the Guitar Hero franchise:

John Tesh - NBA on NBC Theme Song
Duke Ellington - Take the A-train
Britney Spears - Womanizer
Jesse McCartney - She's No You
Rockapella - Where In the World is Carmen Sandiego?
Tenacious D - Karate Shnitzel
ABBA - Take a Chance on Me
Andrew W.K. - It's Time To Party
9th Symphony - Beethoven
First of Da Month - Bone Thugz N' Harmony
Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger - Daft Punk
Ella Fitzgerald - Blue Skies
Hail to the Victors - Michigan Alma Mater
Wham! - Jitterbug
Hans Zimmer - Pirates of the Caribbean Soundtrack
Joe Esposito - Your the Best
Jane Austin (as read by Merryl Streep) - Pride and Prejudice
New Kids on the Block - Hangin' Tough
Night Ranger - Sister Christian
Phil Collins - Sussudio
Prince - Little Red Corvette
Queen - Seaside Rendesvouz
The Smiths - Frankly Mr. Shankly
Soundgarden - Ty Cobb
Styx - Mr. Roboto
LFO - Summer Girls
Extreme - More than Words
Seether - Careless Whisper
Wu-Tang Clan - Wu-Tang Ain't Nothin To F--- With
Yes - Close to the Edge
3 Doors Down - Citizen Soldiers
Duck Tales - Duck Tales Theme
Lez Zeppelin - Hats Off to Roy Harper
Lynyrd Skynyrd - Free Bird (Live 2008)
Peter Cetera - Glory of Love
Will Ferrell - Afternoon Delight

Breaking News: Music Retailers to Create "Everything Except Country and Rap" Sections in Stores

In a surprising coordinated business strategy, hundreds of music retailers nationwide are changing their methods of sorting in-store inventory into musical genres, instead creating a large section called "Everything Except Country and Rap." Rap and country will be relegated to either one or two separate sections within the stores, but this has not been standardized.

A representative for Best Buy, speaking on condition of anonymity, said that the decision by the American Association of Large, Non-Independent Music Retailers (AALNIMR), an organization that works closely with the RIAA and the NRA came in response to changing consumer demands.

"Before, more people had defined tastes - they were into classic rock, or alternative, or new wave, or something else. Now, nearly 70% of our poll respondents seem to have gained an appreciation for all music, except for country and rap, obviously," the representative said at a press conference this morning. "It's clear that our business model should reflect the needs of the public, not outdated notions of genre and classification."

Many customers seem happy about the change. Rick Suleck, 19, was shopping for new music at Border's in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. Suleck calls himself "a huge fan of everything except country and rap." Now, he says, "It will be a lot easier to find music I will definitely like. Before I had to wade through all sorts of genre discriminations that really don't matter. At the end of the day, it's all rock and roll, right?" Suleck then displayed the Devil Fingers (a common rock and roll related hand gesture that is a fist with the palm out, except with the index and pinkie fingers pointed straight up instead of curled).

Amanda Eberstein, who was shopping yesterday at Barnes and Noble in Modesto, California, was not as excited about the announcement. She expressed concerns that "everything except country and rap" was too broad a label, asking, "Do you think this section include genre crossover acts like the Beastie Boys and Ryan Adams?"

Trent MacCoy, Eberstein's boyfriend who was shopping with her, was also unclear about the true purpose of the new section. "Will this include everything that isn't country or rap? Even things that are non-musical in nature, such as housewares, or floral arrangements."

AALNIMR representatives were unwilling to comment on these and other questions posed by Rolling Scone reporters, saying that these details had not yet been decided, as the decision-making summit, taking place in Palm Springs, California, was ongoing.

Noticeably absent from negotiations are the thousands of independent music retailers around the United States, though changes to their inventory display methods seem unlikely to change anytime soon.

Doug Baker, co-owner of West Wind Books and Records in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, was unsurprised by the announcement. "The AALNIMR's decision is indicative of the current state of music listenership in this country, but definitely not indicative of the consumer base of my store and others like it."

"My customers know the differents between hi-fi and lo-fi, grunge and punk, rockabilly and psychobilly, glam and prog - they are more specific in their tastes, and want their store to recognize that."

Some artists are upset by the new genre classification. A group of country and rap artists calling themselves the Country-Rap Antidiscrimination Parnership (CRAP), are starting to put together a lawsuit to overturn the AALNIMR's decision.

Kanye West and Dolly Parton, the acting co-presidents of CRAP until the organization is officially formed, released a joint statement.

"SHIIIiiiiiiiitttttt SSSSSssson. We, the country-RAP Antidiscrimination Partnership, believe that the actions of the AALNIMR are unfairly biased against country and rap music [boob jiggle] . TTTTThhhhiiissssssssssS iiiiisssSSSSSSS BUUUUUULLLshiiiiit. WHHY IIISN'T eeeMOoOO orrrR eeeLectroniCA leFFtttt ouT???!!! How about free jazz, or classical [boob jiggle]? CRAP vooWS to PPPut aN eND to thiiiis."

Rolling Scone will be following this story closely and updating details as they become available. Don't forget to check Rolling Scone Online for the latest in music news, reviews, and terrible twos.

Fall Out Boy Facebook Face-off Fallout!

BREAKING...

IN A FACEBOOK SHOWDOWN, THE "FALL OUT BOY IS THE WORST BAND EVER: 5,000,000 STRONG" GROUP HAS REACHED THE 5,000,000 MARK BEFORE THE "I <3 FALL OUT BOY, FIRST TO 5,000,000!" GROUP. THE FALL OUT BOY IS THE WORST BAND EVER GROUP REACHED THE 5,000,000 PLATEAU ON THE BACK OF ITS NEWEST MEMBER, JASON REIS. THE I <3 FALL OUT BOY GROUP HAD BEEN STUCK ON THE 4.8 MILLION MARK FOR THE PAST WEEK AS NEW MEMBERSHIP DROPPED TO -1.2% THIS PAST QUARTER. THIS NEWS HAS HIT THE IMPETUOUSLY CATCHY ROCK GROUP HARD AND REPORTS FROM GROUP LEADER PETE WENTZ-SIMPSON IS THAT THE BAND WILL DISSOLVE BY THE END OF THE MONTH.

Supergroups to Collaborate on New Album

From the RollingScone Heavenly bureau.

Heaven's #1 supergroup, "The Nirvana's" - which features Jimi Hendrix and Jesus on guitar, Jeff Buckley on vocals, Geddy Lee on bass, Keith Moon on drums, Beethoven on piano and Louie Armstrong on trumpet - has decided to collaborate with Hell's #1 supergroup, "Led Zeppelin II" on a brand new triple LP which will contain a disc from both bands and a third that combines the talents of both bands. "Led Zeppelin II's" lead singer Freddie Mercury said that it was "awesome" to finally work with Jesus and that the new album certainly is the best he's been a part of since "A Night at the Opera." The other members of Led Zeppelin II, which includes John Bonham on drums, Kurt Cobain and Randy Rhoads on guitar, Adolf Hitler on bass and The Devil on fiddle, agree that it was an honor to work with a guitar player of Jesus' caliber. "He's just otherwordly with the things he can do with a guitar," Randy Rhoads said in an interview with the Scone. "His third and fourth hands really opens up a whole new world of possibilities."

The two supergroups had tried to collaborate in the past but Led Zeppelin II's manager and fiddlist, the Devil, said that it was a violation of their contract. However, he softened his stance after God decided that he would agree to release Abaddon the Destroyer from the void 200 years earlier than originally foretold.

The album - which orginally was to be entitled "Revelation and Revolution: an Odyssey of Heaven and Hell, as Told to the Saints of Rock and Roll" - has been renamed "Stairway to Heaven" in honor of God's favorite song. The albums release is scheduled to celebrate the week before the apocalypse and will be out December 25th, 2011.


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Early snippets from the album have already leaked onto the outernet and have the music otherworld buzzing.

Pitchfork: Although the Hell disc shows promise, the Heaven disc features way too much guitar noodling by Jesus, and does every song have to be over 7 minutes long? Jesus may be able to raise Lazarus from the dead, but not even He can bring back prog rock.

Rolling Stone: Good, not great. 3 stars from the early demos.

Spin: Love the Trumpet, Louie Armstrong has never played better. Being dead is the best thing that ever happened to him.

Kerrang!: The sickest guitar solo's, the greatest bass solo's, the hardest drum solo's. The only thing that could make this 3-LP set better would be if Jesus himself played a raging 20 minute guitar solo backed up by a heavenly choir; oh wait he does."
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RollingScone, a brief history pt.1

Today on The Scone: Part one of a four part series that chronicles the unabridged, unedited, and completely untruthful history of the worlds greatest internet music blog.

The Early Days:
Founded by London noble Lord Abernathy in 1683 as a monthly periodical, the early Scone featured musings on a variety of topics like the apointment of Henry Purcell as keeper of the king's instruments at Chapel Royal and reviews of the latest popular operas (John Blow's Venus and Adonis is given the Scone's first 2-star review.) In its inaugural year the Scone had 3 columnists, 1 music critic, and one satirist.

The first controversy at the Scone was over satirist James Purcell's critique of King Charles II falling asleep at an opera. The piece was entitled "King Charles: a lazy boob, or just mentally challenged?" Purcell was sentenced to death by hanging in the month of December after a 12 minute trial found him guilty of treason. However the controversy increased the circulation tenfold and by 1686 the Scone was the most popular monthly in Britain. Unfortunately as rock music had not been invented yet, 99% of the reviews were 1-star, and most were puncuated by complaints of "not enough guitar solos." The lack of interest in the music scene led to a five year hiatus by the scone from 1687-1692 due to Lord Abernathy's addiction to opiates.

When the scone returned in 1693 it remained for the next hundred years as a yearly 50 page book, which dropped any hint of satire and humor and instead simply reviewed every major classical and operatic piece of each year. Pieces from Bach and Vivaldi were savaged with 1 and 2 star reviews and in the hundred years only Beethoven and Mozart managed to impress the editors and writers at the scone enough to get a 3 star review. Lord Abernathy II who had taken over for his father in 1712, after Lord Abernathy I had contracted gangrene from a paper cut he had recieved from the 10 year anniversary issue, had been losing 30,000 pounds per year as circulation had dropped to less than 6 people. Lord Abernathy II eventually closed the Scone, as he was arrested and placed in a debtors prison in 1723. There he was shanked by a fellow prisoner over a crust of bread. After this the scone languished in obscurity, until a chance encounter in Philadelphia in 1776.

Old Crow Medicine Show 5/22/09

Yeah, does Alison Krauss play the fiddle like that? I think not.


Old Crow Medicine Show at Carnegie Library of Homestead

Friday, May 22 2009

“What kind of music do you like?” “Everything except country and/or rap.” Well, hypothetical rock fan, you shouldn't be so hasty to scorn country-ish things. The Scone likes its rock, its big guitars and technical skill. That’s fine, that’s sometimes the best kind of music -- but let’s make room for some hot fiddle licks. There’s plenty of room in the big book of bands that rock for Old Crow Medicine Show, even if they contain an instrument you have never heard of (that would the guitjo, or banjitar if you prefer. It’s what is says on the tin, a hybrid of banjo and guitar.) At just about every show they’ve played in their 11 years together, Old Crow proves that you can rock hard, even if you’re playing a song about cocaine from the 1920s. But they’re not just some novelty, nostalgia old time band, these days they lean more towards the original tunes than the fiddle scorchers of yore. Their ’08 album, “Tennessee Pusher” poked its toe into some post-WWII influences and even has the occasional drums and organ! But at the show, Old Crow gave the audience a healthy mix of old tunes, covers, stuff from their “first” album, and plenty from “Tennessee Pusher.” Highlights were the blistering love scorned “Fall on my Knees”, the slow, atmospheric drug dealer song, “Tennessee Pusher” and the obligatory playing of “Wagon Wheel” which is the band’s frat-happy crossover hit. It’s a great song, but maybe not their best, and the audience members yelling for it were obnoxious and oblivious. (Ladies and gents, they play it every show, they’re gonna play it, just wait in the lobby if that’s all you came for.)

The sound at Homestead Library is phenomenally clear, (though this reviewer was admittedly at front row center, so perhaps I’m a little biased in the venue’s favor) and the place is small, (about 1100 capacity?) but beautiful. The audience sat in Pittsburgh awkwardness for a few hot opening tunes, (one of the downsides of a venue with seats) then guitar player/vocalist Willie Watson urged the audience to get dancing, and they seemed more than happy to.

With plenty of onstage banter, and Pittsburgh pandering, the band was in great spirits (better than in Columbus in January. Take that, Ohio!) Their energy was through the roof, with Willie Watson running in circles and twitching, fiddle player Ketch Secor fraying bow hairs and sending rosin dust into the air, or wailing on the harmonica. All of them except guitjo player Kevin Hayes, and bassist Morgin Jahnig switch instruments. Ketch Secor’s classic country voice (not “She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy” country) harmonizes well with Willie Watson’s vocals, which are more straight from the holler than a man from upstate New York has a right to sound.

But rock fans are still rolling their eyes perhaps, picturing a hick ho-down or the occasionally soulless technical proficiency of bluegrass. But this isn’t Alison Krause (no offense to her), and Old Crow is not the top of the technical heap in instrumentation. They’re more old time than bluegrass, and the former is usually more sloppy and reckless, without all the polished solos of the latter. So, it’s not rock, and they’re not even the Slash of bluegrass, so who likes this stuff? Well, douchebag modern country fans sometimes come for “Wagon Wheel.” But ignore them and their incessant yelling. This punk fan fell in love with the band because of they dig up and polish off ancient, dusty songs from way back, that nobody under 70 is likely to hear or seek out anymore; they’re great lyricists and singers, their instrumentation is solid as hell, but most of all their fiery, endless enthusiasm is what makes me listen over and over. They play fast and dirty, but it sounds great. They’re the punks of bluegrass. Drop that bias against anything southern-flavored. Their studio albums are great, but the live shows will knock you on your ass as much as any rock and roll.

Exclusive Look at How Rolling Stone Rates Albums

Today on the Scone: an in depth look at how Rolling Stone Magazine tabulates its album ratings.

Rolling Stone The Magazine, unlike many other music magazines doesn't rate albums based on the music, instead they factor in many different variables until they reach a final rating. All ratings start out at 2 stars and increase or decrease based on these important factors.

If the band has been featured on the cover of NME or Q magazine in Britain: +2 stars
If the band is about to be featured on the cover of Rolling Stone: +4 stars
If the band is too popular: -1 star
If the band will never sell more than 100,000 albums: +1 star
If the band is in the "alt-country" genre: +1.5 stars
If Jack White is in the band: +3 stars
If the band has more than 1 guitarist: -1 star
If the band features guitar solos: -1.5 stars
If the band features drum solos: -4 stars
If the band is Rush: -2 stars
If the band is young, hip and popular and can sell extra magazines if they get a good review but also won't hurt the indie rep of the magazine because they are guilty pleasures but in reality are a pretty terrible band: +2 stars
If the band can be labeled "metal" or "progressive": - 3 stars
Liberal politics in the forefront of said band's lyrics: +2 stars
Conservative politics even vaguely referenced: -5 stars
A new Eminem CD: automatic 4 star review
If your nickname is "the Boss": +5 stars
Spiritual lyrics: automatic 1 star review
If the band is influenced by southern rock (except lynyrd skynyrd): +2 stars
If the band is Led Zeppelin and the review was written before 1980: -4 stars
If the band is Led Zeppelin and the review is written in an obvious attempt to cover up the fact that the magazine hates Led Zeppelin and only is giving them a good review because they have to: automatic 5 star review
If the band is Black Sabbath and the review is written in the 70's by snarky college students who think Hot Tuna and the Grateful Dead are the best bands in the world: automatic 1 star review
If the band rocks: -2 stars
If the band doesn't rock: +1 star
If Pitchfork likes the band: +2.5 stars
Steve Perry is in the band: -1 star

This Week's Top Stories!

Rush to go back in time to kill selves in order to grace cover of Rolling Stone, become critical darlings.
Rush, ignored by Rolling Stone Magazine for the past 40 years, has decided to go back in time using Doc Brown's DeLorean in order to kill themselves just after their epic album 2112 in order to earn themselves an opportunity to appear on the cover of Rolling Stone Magazine. By killing themselves at the height of their artistic output they guarantee at least 4 Rolling Stone covers, a place in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and inclusions on critics "greatest of" lists.

Scott Stapp escapes from Hell, returns to earth to collect 10,000,000 souls.
Scott Stapp, who was bound by rock and sent to hell by Dave Grohl and Jack Black in 2002, has escaped from his prison at the 12th circle of hell and has returned to the earth in order to collect souls in order to ressurect the "band" Creed and cast the earth back into darkness.

Michigan man puts Fleet Foxes album on Ipod in order to keep up appearances.
Billy Kemp of Lansing Michigan has put the latest self titeld Fleet Foxes album on his Ipod just to keep up the appearance that he listens to new hip music, in order to impress his indie friends if they happen to check his playlist. Nestled between Flava Flav and Flickerstick, Fleet Foxes currently boasts 0 plays. Although Mr. Kemp can't name any of their songs, he says that "just having them on my playlist has impressed three people and possibly gotten me a date for Friday with that cute girl from the local indpendent coffee shop.

Rough Economy Shutters Kazoo World Magazine; Hits Kazoo Industry Hard

The Kazoo industry, once seen as the unbreakable link in the musical instrument industry, received more bad news as the rough global economy has forced the venerable Kazoo World Magazine, offshoot of the more successful Guitar World Magazine, to shut down its printing presses and close its doors forever. Kazoo World Magazine follows in the footsteps of Kazoo Aficionado, Kazoo Woman's Journal, Kazoo Weekly, Kazoo Bi-Weekly, and Metal Kazoo magazine as the latest casualties of slumping kazoo sales. With these latest closings, only the prestigious 200 year old Kazooist Quarterly remains in the red.

Recent reports show a 75% drop in retail kazoo sales in the past year after years of double digit sales gains. Kazoo makers like Kazoo's Unlimited and Anderson's Kazoo's have recently asked the government for massive billion dollar loans in order to keep their companies afloat and the kazoo assembly lines running at full capacity. Anderson's Kazoo CEO Richard Watkins has said that the company has about 50 million dollars in reserves but at current projections that will only last til the end of May. If both companies fold Watkins estimates that over 200,000 jobs will be lost in America alone and upwards of 400,000 globally.

Yanni Signs New 6-Year Deal with Guantanamo Bay to Supply Music for Tortures

Yanni, best known for his turgid soft-orchestral elevator muzak has signed a new 6-year deal with Guantanamo Bay his agent reported yesterday. With the new contract Yanni will become the exclusive provider of torture music for the United States until 2015. Yanni will compose between twenty to thirty brand new songs that will be used by soldiers and prison officials at the US torture facility at Guantanamo Bay. The songs will be piped in to each prison cell between 11am and 3pm daily in order to soften up the Arab terror suspects. Additionally Yanni's music will be used during all water boarding sessions. Terms of the deal were not disclosed but most analysts put the number in the high seven digits.

Asher Roth Understands White, College-Educated 20-somethings

The fascination of white college students with hip-hop and rap is not new, but rarely has a white college graduate been able to successfully cross-over into the genre. But this is all about to change. Meet Asher Roth.

Asher Roth, a 22-year-old from Morrisville, PA, dropped his debut album Asleep in the Bread Aisle on April 20, 2009. The album's tracks have names like "Lark on my Go-Kart," "I Love College," and "Be By Myself," which features Cee-Lo. "I Love College," the album's first single, is a feel-good anthem about drinking, smoking weed, dancing, Thirsty Thursdays, and naked girls. The music is an even mix of real instruments and beats, with guitars on "I Love College" and some keyboard on "Lark" The rhymes are clever and he has a sense of humor about the whole thing, but it's clear that Asher Roth is writing about what he knows in the genre he happens to love. Less psychopath than Eminem, more coherent than the Beastie Boys, Asher Roth has what it takes to overtake his predecessors as the most commercially successful white rapper ever.

Roth's music background is alarmingly unremarkable. He says, "The first CD I ever bought was Dave Matthews Band's Crash...That is how suburban I am...I finally got into hip hop in '98 when I heard the Annie sample with Jay-Z...When I wrote my A Milli freestyle, that was me listening to 10 years of hip hop and not relating to it at all. Like, Damn I don’t sell coke. Damn, I don’t have cars or 25-inch rims. I don't have guns. I finally got to a point where I had the confidence to do this thing myself, and I was making music for me. And it turns out, a lot of people feel the same way I do."

His autobiography on MySpace invites a little more insight into the mind of Asher Roth:

"When I'm not rhyming I find time to purchase rare kindergarten art off ebay. As I was recently enlightened that it portrays the soul in its purest form. On the weekends I like to watch football and dance in celebration of the coming week. I collect business cards purely for prank phone calls and pay my rent by doing BICH Work (Boys In Cougar Homes). My boy Greg Mike and I, both started living by the credo...WWJD. What Would JEEZY Do? More often than not we find ourselves going with answers.."YEEAAHHH" and "HAHAAAA." Ever since I've been living a much more positive lifestyle."

Whatever that means. Listen to his tracks at www.myspace.com/asherroth

Music Transactions for April 2009

A quick brief of the musical transactions from the past month from all the major musical genres.

Pop:
4/03 - Agrees to trade Jessica Simpson and cash to Country for the rights to Chris Gaines.
4/12 - Placed Justin Timberlake on the 3 year disabled list.
4/21 - Agrees to terms with Leona Lewis, 2 years - 21 million dollars.

Country:
4/13 - Agrees to a 4 year - 53 million dollar extension for Taylor Swift.
4/26 - Reassigned Dierks Bentley to the minor leagues.

Rock:
4/21 - Rejected Rap's trade: Lil' Wayne and Fred Durst for Fall Out Boy and Kevin Rudolf

Rap:
4/20 - DMX arraigned on drug charges, will be placed on the PUP list for 5-6 years.
4/25 - Agrees to trade Kanye West to Emo for cash and weed

R&B:
4/2 - Releases R.Kelly
4/3 - Recalled N.E.R.D. from minors

Emo:
4/25: Acquires Kanye West from Rap

Metal:
4/1: Names Metallica captain for upcoming season
4/14: Agrees to 12 year - 100 million dollar contract extension for Mastodon

Classical:
4/2: Names Beethoven to all-decade team
4/9: Folds Operations

Jazz:
No transactions